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Letters from North America
by Peary Perry

Lt: ZORK : to COMMAND Module 4528/alpha
Subject: Status report- Earth project
Use Translator code- BR549

As you know I have been assigned to this, the 3^rd planet in this small solar system. I don’t wish to complain, but I have been here for nearly 4 Earth years, and do wish someone would review my last request for a transfer. I also have been shorted on my bi-lunar pay voucher for the 7^th time. I would think that a civilization as advanced as ours would be able to compute my pay correctly. Also, my last Earth clothes that you sent were meant for the 60^‘s not the 1990’s. I had to think quickly trying to explain why I was wearing a flower shirt with bell-bottom pants and high heel zip up foot wear of some sort. Fortunately, I was able to explain that it was for a human social function called a party. Please don’t allow this to occur again. It is most embarrassing.  Enough of this. Back to my report. In several of my recent dispatches, you may recall I have been very intrigued by the way the Americans choose their leaders. This is a process that I have tried to explain called politics. I cannot begin to tell you how confusing and complicated this process is. You may have to send in a political expert since this is beginning to get the best of me. Unlike our system where the leader is bred and born for leadership for a life time period. This system relies on the citizens to actually choose who they want to run the country. Isn’t that the strangest thing that you have ever heard of? You might think this isn’t so bad, but listen to this. Even though the citizens choose the ‘President’ they also choose the other members of the ‘Congress’. It appears that  like thinking members of a group are called a ‘party’. Note: not to be confused with where I said I was going with the flower shirt and the bell-bottom pants. Now the members of this ‘party’ seem to spend all of their time arguing about whether or not the “President’ should or should not remain in charge of the country. Even though the ‘citizens’ elected the ‘President’ for a period of 4 Earth years, this ‘Congress’ can vote to make the ‘President’ give up his job through a process called impeachment. Now, the current President is under a lot of pressure because of some reported improper behavior he was supposed to have had with something called an ‘intern’. I don’t know what this is , but will have to find out more and report to you later. Could you send me some policy guidelines on how in-depth I should investigate this matter? Don’t mention this to Verzana, over in Logic analysis, since she might get the wrong idea about my work requirements and duties. What is really strange to me is that all of these people are in the Earth media nearly every day saying terrible things about each other, then you will read a common communication device called a newspaper and you will almost always see these same Earthlings smiling and performing a practice know as ‘slapping someone on the back’. No, I don’t know what this means either. At least we knew when our 2 headed enemies in Orion 389B hated us since they would spit poison at us if we approached within 2 guloangs. These people just walk right up to each other with absolutely no fear.  As much as I hate to admit it, this situation needs much more close study. I fear that I must remain assigned here at least another earth year or so. Please try and get my clothing problem straightened out as quickly as possible. I will be wanting to look into this ‘intern’ matter very shortly. My best to you and all of your xerfniks.

For questions or comments, please contact me at pperry@austin.rr.com

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