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Letters From North America
by Peary Perry

Well, with the dawn of each New Year, I suppose the only thing that doesn’t change is our annual diet resolution. It seems as though we all have the same goal to lose those pounds and inches. Have you ever thought that if everyone who belongs to a health club or gym showed up at the same time what it would look like? You couldn’t move in those places. Wall to wall people. You could exercise your pinky fingers, wiggle your toes but not much else. No way could all of the members be there at any given time. Not possible. About this time of the year all of the diet books start to resurface. We have the protein diet, the water diet, the sugarless diet, the grapefruit diet, and so on and so on. Well, in order not to be out done, I have come up with a new diet that for a lack of anything else I will name Powerful Pounds Off Plan;Pretty snappy, eh? Now, as you all know, all diets have several common ingredients. Mine is no different. You will have to eat plenty of Rhubarb, Kale and Leeks. Nearly every diet book that I have ever seen in my life uses one or more of the items in nearly every recipe. I still don’t know what Kale is or what it looks like, but it must be good for you since it’s on every diet "approved" list I’ve ever seen. It also must be in short supply since I can’t remember ever seeing it in any restaurant or café. You sure don’t see Kale Kasserole or something cute like this , do you? Likewise for leeks…I think they are a type of onion, but here again hard to find. I called the store the other day and asked if they had any leeks and the guy said "No, I think we got them all fixed after that last big rain" Somehow I think he missed the point of my question. Anyway, the only thing I can ever think of for Rhubarb is something called rhubarb pie. I can’t say that I’ve ever had any, but I do sort of recall seeing it sometime in my life. I will have to work very hard on putting all of these to work in this upcoming publication. The major new item that I will be introducing to my new diet regime (I like that word) is dirt. Since meat, salt, sugar, vegetables, fruit, and just about everything else is forbidden on some diet plan or another, I have looked into the diet effects of a dirt only diet plan. I have found that kids that eat dirt never gain any weight and do not seem to be harmed in any fashion. I have not had a chance to evaluate if it matters as to what kind of dirt you are eating. Does sandy loam produce a greater weight loss than say, topsoil? I just don’t know at this time. Dirt doesn’t seem to have any serious side effects and it does seem to give you that great feeling of fullness we all want. I will need to research this in much greater detail before I put this out on the market. I may have to develop my own brand of dirt. This of course could lead to bigger and better things such as "Dirt Lite" and "Reduced salt Dirt". I think my main product will be "Pure Dirt". Simple, but gets the message across doesn’t it? Why, this could lead to an entirely new industry. We might end up with dirt bars all over the country. Imagine if McDonalds started serving my new dirt patty. Would double dirt patties be far behind? Mud pies would be in style again. Come to think of it I saw an ad for something called a mud pie in a café the other day. As I recall it was dark brown and had some kind of icing on it. Looked like it was made of chocolate, but I can’t be real sure. Maybe in the interest of national health and science I should go over there and see what this is. Perhaps these people have figured out a way to make dirt taste better. I believe I need to go right now and get me a big slice. Purely for medicinal testing purposes only. It’s a tough job, and I have to do it.

For questions or comments, please contact me at pperry@austin.rr.com

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