Letters From North
America by Peary Perry
Well,
here it is the week
before Christmas and I
am totally bummed out.
Not from shopping or the
crowds, but because I
sent a copy of my latest
manuscript off to be
evaluated and they sent
it back and said they
couldn’t use it because
it had entirely too many
clichés in it.
Hello? What’s this all
about? Is anybody home?
I mean am I just talking
to a brick wall? I feel
that when it comes to
writing, I am certainly
a team player. I never
intentionally try to go
against the grain and
try to keep my writing
very simple and easy to
understand.
These editors must have
an axe to grind or
something. This was a
good book and one in
which I am very proud. I
was tempted to just call
them up and not beat
around the bush and just
ask them exactly what is
the bee in your bonnet?
Now, don’t get me wrong,
I am not the great
American novelist and
don’t think for an
instant that anything I
write is the best thing
since sliced bread. But
on the other hand I do
believe that my stuff is
better than a poke in
the eye with a sharp
stick, if you know what
I mean.
Of course calling them
kind of puts a fellow in
between a rock and a
hard place. I could make
them mad and they might
put me on someone’s list
and then where would I
be? I mean it’s not like
I just fell off the back
of a turnip truck. I can
see the writing on the
wall. All of these
editors probably know
each other and if I
speak harshly to one,
then the word might get
out and I’d be a dead
duck. You know what they
say, if you lay down
with dogs, and then you
wake up with fleas.
So, I suppose there
isn’t much sense in
flogging a dead horse. I
should just lay low and
keep my mouth shut and a
zipped lip. Even if I
think these people are
dumber than a bucket of
rocks, I can afford to
bide my time and wait it
out. As far as I’m
concerned every dog has
its day and I’ll get
mine.
I think I’ll just keep
on submitting these
manuscripts as I believe
if it isn’t broke than
don’t fix it and I don’t
think my writing is
broken. How about them
apples?
No, from what I can tell
some of the editors have
been scrapping the
bottom of the barrel
with some of the books
they have published. The
ones I’ve seen just
aren’t my cup of tea. I
am convinced that only
the strong survive and
that I should keep on
keeping on and let
bygones be bygones.
They’ll eventually come
around, if you know what
I mean. What goes around
comes around in my book.
I think I might just
take a break and stop
and smell the roses for
a change. I’ve been
working in the old salt
mine for too long and
need a fresh direction.
You know often we can’t
see the forest for the
trees. I’ll just save
everything I’ve written
for a rainy day and wait
for these brainaics to
call once they realize
the genius of my work. I
don’t know if I can find
it in my heart to
forgive them, but we’ll
cross that bridge when
we get to it.
So in the meantime, I’ll
just sit and wait them
out and when they call,
I’ll tell them that the
jury is still out on my
decision and that I’ve
moved their offers to
the back burner. I have
to have enough time to
justify the effect of
their decision and what
it will be on my bottom
line. Let them put that
in their pipe and smoke
it.
Too many clichés? How
ridiculous.
