Letters from North America
by Peary Perry
So much to write
about…so little time.
Gosh this week, it’s a
tossup on what to opine
upon…..I am torn between
discussing the tragedy
of Paris Hilton having
to spend 45 days in a
California lockup and
another article I will
expound on in a moment.
For those of you living
in space, I will fill
you in. Last week Paris
Hilton was sentenced to
45 days in jail for
driving with a suspended
license. Even though the
suspension order was in
the glove compartment of
her car, she claims she
“didn’t read it and
didn’t understand it…”
This statement makes no
sense whatsoever, but
then what does with this
woman?
Now, there is a movement
going around to ‘pardon’
her in the same spirit
that President Gerald
Ford did when he
pardoned former
President Richard Nixon.
Her publicist has
released a statement
from Ms. Hilton saying:
She urges the California
actor-turned-governor to
pardon Hilton because
she provides "beauty and
excitement to (most of)
our otherwise mundane
lives."
Isn’t that special? I am
so thrilled to find out
that most of us are
living ‘mundane lives’.
I didn’t know. On second
thought I’ve wasted too
much space on her this
week, I’m certain a
‘mundane’ person like me
can’t write anything
that would do her
justice.
So, with that out of the
way, I’ll get back to
the real issue of the
week. I call your
attention to an
interesting court case
in Vienna, Austria. It
seems they have a
chimpanzee named Hiasi
whose keepers went
bankrupt. Under current
law, donations for his
monthly upkeep can only
be given to a legal
entity, which the chimp
isn’t…..because he’s an
animal….are you with me?
His supporters are
filing a case in the
Austrian Supreme Court
to have Hiasi declared a
‘person’ making him
entitled to certain
rights such as the right
to own property, his
right to life, not to be
mistreated or tortured
and other freedoms. The
supporters say they will
draw the line at Hiasi
being allowed to vote.
That’s comforting.
Austria isn’t the only
country considering this
matter. Spain is working
on what they call “The
great ape” project. This
bill, if passed, would
convey fundamental moral
and legal protections to
apes. Apes could own
property, have bank
accounts and solicit
funds for their care and
welfare. They could be
legally married and have
survivorship rights.
I suppose that means
they would have certain
contractual rights as
well, making them
eligible to form
recording companies and
bands. This is
encouraging to me since
it would open up an
entirely new genre of
music which certainly
can’t be any worse than
we are currently being
subjected to these days.
I just wonder how well a
chimp could play a
guitar? We’ll have to
see. Opens up an
entirely new concept for
American Idol, doesn’t
it?
Normally I am against
liberal measures of this
sort, but hear me out on
this one. Chimps and
apes can’t talk, can
they? Or at least not in
any language we can
understand. It would
take years to learn what
they are saying. By then
we might figure out they
are smarter than some of
us. So, if the world
courts were to decide
that apes had the same
rights as humans then
what is to prevent them
from running for public
office? They can’t pass
any legislation or vote
on anything that
complicates our lives
anymore than the folks
in Washington are doing
to us each and every
year. They can’t make
any stupid remarks or
take sides; even if they
did we wouldn’t know it
since we couldn’t
understand what they
were saying. Finally the
corruption would stop
immediately since apes
can’t or don’t steal, do
they? Even if they do,
it’s be small
bananas…not billions.
I’d vote for a monkey or
an ape any day over the
current lineup we are
facing for public office
in 2008. Not that much
difference to me…how
about to you?
We couldn’t be any worse
off., could we?
Read past articles at
www.pearyperry.com
