If
I had to guess, I’d
say that over the
years, I’ve written
more columns about
the differences
between men and
women and how they
think. Or how they
don’t think.
For example, we
didn’t get a chance
to sort everything
out from our house
before we moved. Now
we’re trying to do
it after we’ve moved
in. Not the best
option and one to
avoid if there is
anyway possible.
This should be one
of the cardinal
rules taught to
young men who are
about to be married
for the first time.
I’ve gone over these
many times in the
past and will likely
do another column on
them again in the
future. These
include taking notes
on the day you get
engaged. Copious
notes about
everything, the
weather, where you
went to dinner, what
table you sat at,
the waiters name,
and most of all how
your intended wore
her hair and what
she was wearing.
This will come up in
later conversations
and there will be a
test. I cannot over
emphasize this to
you at this time.
You may think she
doesn’t remember
where you parked
your car and in
which direction it
was pointed, but she
does and she will
ask you about it,
trust me on this
one.
Anyway, once you’re
married, she’ll
begin to collect and
save things you
cannot begin to
imagine. You give
her a Valentines Day
card? She’ll save
it. Birthday cards?
Never thrown away.
Mothers Day cards?
She’ll keep them
until she dies and
then they’ll pass
onto someone else,
God only knows who.
I have friends who
have cards dating
back to the twelfth
century and earlier
which have been
handed down from one
generation to
another. I would
think a ‘get well’
card from Genghis
Khan would be worth
something, but then
again, what do I
know? The point is
that your wife will
have stuff hidden
away throughout your
house for years in
places you cannot
imagine even
existed. Women could
write books about
where to hide things
that the DEA and FBI
would never find.
They will never
throw away any
photographs,
especially of your
children. If one of
your kids is sitting
on a tree stump in
the middle of the
woods some where and
you cannot figure
out where or when
the picture was
taken, it will not
be thrown away. It
will stay in a box,
hidden along with
small pieces of
ribbon (for what?)
baby teeth, snippets
of hair and a
hundred other items
which men will throw
away without any
sense of guilt, but
not a mother. She
keeps all of the
photographs ever
taken of any member
of her family no
matter if they make
any sense or not,
it’s a Mom thing.
It’s called (MGS)
Mothers Guilt
Syndrome, men aren’t
affected by this.
Your child can be
fifty years old and
their mother will
still have their
drawings from the
first grade. It’s
amazing how long
finger painted
pictures can last.
I’d bet Rembrandts
mother kept all of
his stuff in a
closet somewhere. My
wife found some
essays written by
our youngest son
when he was about
nine or ten. Of
course we had to
read them all again.
One of his made the
statement that
“Rocks are found
nearly everywhere.”
I’m thinking there
isn’t a place that I
know of on Earth
where there isn’t a
rock. Of course, for
a ten year old, the
things he wrote were
pretty good.
I found her box of
Christmas bows and
ribbons in the attic
and threw them out.
She buys new ones
each year anyway,
since she can’t
remember where she
hid last years
supply. We had bows
and ribbons made of
stone, they were
really, really that
old. Just kidding.
That brings up
another problem.
Often times they
hide stuff so well;
they can’t recall
where they put
things. This causes
a marriage calamity
I call ‘overbuying.’
This situation
happens when you
can’t find something
so you go buy
another one, then
you end up with two
of the same things.
But since you don’t
put either one in
the same place, your
house lapses into a
sort of ‘home-style
Bermuda triangle.’
Things you know you
have will disappear
and will never
reappear until you
move into another
house. If you don’t
want to move then
you might have to
take the drastic
measure of pulling
everything out of
your house and
stacking it in the
front yard just to
see what you have on
hand. If you have to
take this type of
action, I caution
you to check the
weather forecast. As
well as advising the
neighbors of your
intentions and that
you are not being
evicted.
Anyway, I’ve got to
run…she’s found a
box of report cards
which she wants to
go over for the
remainder of the
afternoon.
