I
don’t know about any
of you, but I have
always been highly
suspicious of
research being
conducted with
taxpayer money on
objects none of us
can see. Look at the
amount of money
spent on stealth
bombers…if they were
invisible…how would
we know they existed
in the first place?
A smart contractor
could just point to
a vacant field and
tell the
congressional
committee to “Just
look over
there…..isn’t that
the prettiest sight
you’ve ever seen?”
I’m certain there
are literally
hundreds of research
projects going on
right now in all
parts of the world
using huge amounts
of public money
looking for things
that cannot be seen.
I’d like to get in
on those funds.
In case you don’t
know, there is
another project
going on in Europe.
This one is called
the CERN project. So
far, it has cost in
excess of 2.8
billion bucks. The
project is a giant
particle accelerator
and is built deep
underground with a
circumference of
about 17 miles. The
scientists
(thousands of them)
say the subatomic
particles will
travel 11,000 times
around the
accelerator each
second when this
thing gets powered
up. Incidentally,
the whole thing uses
more power than the
city of Geneva. I
bet their
electricity bill is
going to be out of
sight.
There are 9,300
giant magnets used
in the construction.
These magnets are
used to cool the air
down to a chilly
-519 degrees. They
say they will need
that sort of cooling
power since the
thing is expected to
heat up to a
temperature 100,000
times the heat at
the core of the sun.
Since I don’t know
how anyone could
actually measure the
heat at the core of
the sun, I suppose
this is a
‘guesti-mate’ as
well. Perhaps the US
or someone sent an
unmanned probe to
check out the core
temperature…..probably
would have to go at
night to keep from
burning up.
Anyway, all of this
money and these
thousands of
scientists are in
search of a small
particle which has
never been seen
called a Higgs
boson. At first I
thought it was a
misspelling and it
should have been a
Higgs Bison, which
exists at a petting
zoo owned by Oscar
and Mable Higgs in
Omaha, Nebraska. I
don’t think they
would charge 2.8
billion to look at
their bison.
No, the Higgs boson
has been the pet
project for over
twenty years for
Professor Eilam
Gross of the
Weizmann Institute
of Science. Dr.
Gross has been
searching for this
piece of nearly
invisible matter for
his entire career. I
wonder if Dr. Gross
is about to retire
after all these
years? I wonder if I
could get a high
paying job looking
for something no one
has ever seen. What
do these people say
in staff meetings?
“I know it’s
there….but I can’t
find it…I guess I’ll
just have to keep
looking…is my annual
review coming up
next week? Gosh how
time flies.” His
progress and
evaluation report
probably just says
something like…
“Still nothing
found…vows to keep
on looking.”
But
the really scary
part of this huge
project is the fact
that some of the
scientists are
saying there is
about a million to
one chance that they
will create a black
hole which if
uncontrolled could
swallow up the
earth. I think the
test starts in
October and if they
do manage to create
a giant earth
swallowing black
hole, then I bet the
political elections
will get moved to
page two of the
papers. The
Democrats will call
it a ‘vast right
wing conspiracy’ and
the Republicans will
blame it on some
‘far fetched
liberal’ giveaway
program. Of course
the scientists tell
us not to worry
since any black hole
they might create
would decompose in a
matter of a fraction
of a second. I bet
this is encouraging
to anyone working
close to the
machine. Probably
there is some sort
of liability decal
on the machine that
says something like
“ The Manufacturer
of this machine is
not responsible for
any person or
persons who gets
sucked into any
black hole no matter
how small or large.
You must be at least
five feet tall to
operate this piece
of machinery.” Oh,
yes and another
thing they pointed
out is the fact that
these tiny black
holes, which they
haven’t seen or even
know are able to be
created are very
unstable, extremely
hot and could
explode. I bet the
folks living in the
farmhouse on the
ground above the
control room haven’t
received this news.
So here we have it,
thousands of highly
paid people working
on a machine that
might, just might
create a situation
that could end the
world as we know it,
but as they say…the
odds are against it.
I think I could do
the job much cheaper
in my garage and not
take a chance on
endangering the
entire world.
Think of something
we could be looking
for that we can’t
see and couldn’t
prove existed in the
first place. I’ll be
trying to find out
what kind of grant
money we can apply
for. Should be
enough for the two
of us for the next
few years.
