Letters from North
America
The
other day I got to
noticing how many signs
I passed in our fair
city that really made no
sense at all. You’ve
seen them, the ones that
you read and then have
to do a double take
because your mind is
saying… ‘what the heck
does this mean?’
I passed one this
morning for a Mexican
restaurant who
advertises ‘handmade
food’. Is there any
other kind? What is the
alternative here; would
it be machine made food?
How about restaurants
that advertises …. ‘the
world’s best…..(fill in
the blank)…’ who grades
whatever it is they are
selling?. Surely someone
hasn’t been to all of
the places in the world
that sell hamburgers and
tested them and then
awarded that honor to
any one place in
particular. If they have
then they probably
qualify as one of the
world’s fattest (or is
that now heaviest?)
people on our planet.
Here’s another food sign
that makes me wonder.
This one says… ‘real
fruit’. This is one of
those smoothie places
that seem to be on every
other corner. Is there
such a thing as fake
fruit or unreal fruit? I
think fruit is fruit. It
either is fruit or it’s
not fruit. You can’t
advertise (I guess you
could, but it would be
misleading) some drink
contains real apple
juice and then use
hamburger meat instead.
I wouldn’t buy it, but
then, I might be behind
the times. This may be a
new trend I’m not aware
of.
I was talking this over
with one of my sons and
he pointed out that
every time he’s gotten
some award or
certificate from some
training program it
always says that it’s….
‘Suitable for framing’.
I suppose there are
certificates that aren’t
suitable for framing,
but to me those are
personal choices that
should be left up to the
person who obtained the
award. They either want
to frame it or they
don’t. It’s their
decision.
Knowing that there is
generally a web site for
just about everything
you can imagine, I
Googled up …stupid signs
and was pointed off to
www.stupidsigns.com
which is a good place to
visit for a laugh now
and then.
I’ll share a few of the
ones I happened to see
while I was on their
site. One sign advises
employees as follows…
‘do not put body parts
in the trash chute.’ I’m
wondering where the body
parts could have come
from in the first place
and have they had this
problem for any length
of time. Is this
something that they have
had to have some kind of
company meeting where
they gather everyone
into the conference room
and read off a policy
prohibiting throwing
body parts in the trash
chutes?
Another one advised …
‘river rescue’…..it went
on to say that if you
had fallen into the
river and needed the
fire or police
department to help you,
you should call a
certain number. First
off I’m not aware of too
many cell phones that
work if you fall into
the river and secondly
do they intend for you
to jot this number down
and carry it with you in
case you think you might
fall into the river and
need someone to help get
you out?
Here’s one….I’ve seen
this one in our
town…posted downtown…big
sign that says… ‘No
standing.’ What does
this mean? You have to
lie down while passing
in front of this area or
crawl as you pass by. If
so how far out and away
does this so called …
‘no standing’ zone
extend? For this to be
effective it should say
something like… ‘no
standing within twenty
five feet of this sign.’
That’s still not clear
but better if you ask
me.
I saved the best one for
last….this probably
appeared on some
municipal park. The sign
says… ‘Soccer not
allowed… soccer can only
be played in the archery
range.’ Someone needs to
rethink this one;
otherwise the city is
going to have a huge
liability suit on their
hands.
One final comment, it’s
obvious that a lot of
signs are the result of
some previous activity
that may or may not have
resulted in some form of
litigation. When you see
signs advising not to
feed or move alligators,
you have to think that
the reason for this is
that someone did this
before the sign went up
and it was erected as a
warning for the rest of
us. The real story here
is why the sign was put
up in the first place?
