In
my younger days, I
was often compared
in looks to Alan
Ladd. Then it was
Robert Wagner….then
Tim Conway. Last
week it was Burl
Ives. This is the
end of the road for
me. 2009 is going to
be the new year for
me. I am committed
to losing weight and
getting into better
shape. Burl Ives ,
indeed! The person
telling me this had
to be at least
eighty years
old…perhaps his
eyesight was
failing. Who knows,
but I can’t take a
chance.
My last three
columns have been
written about bad
things that have
happened in this
country and I
promised to write
something positive
before Christmas, so
here it is.
Last week a friend
of mine had to opt
out of playing Santa
at a local church so
he conned me into
going in his place.
Having the vision of
Burl Ives freshly
planted in my head,
I decided to accept,
knowing that this is
the last year I
would be able to
play the part
without extra
padding. My golden
retriever was very
surprised to see me
in a Santa suit. I
think it dawned on
her who I was and
that she might get
her wish for thumbs
or a can opener.
The church had no
instructions, no
training manual, no
list of do’s and
don’ts…just show up,
be nice and it will
all work out.
I was somewhat
apprehensive at my
lack of training for
this position.
Several people
warned me that my
attitude and my
performance would
impress these
children for years
to come. In other
words, don’t screw
this up or some kid
will have to go to
years of therapy
because of me. My
mind is telling me
this might not be
good.
I arrived at the
church about fifteen
minutes early and
waited in the car
for the noon hour to
arrive. I wanted to
go in on time since
that was about the
only instruction I
received. I arrived
in the lobby just as
about two hundred
little, very little…
kids were filing
into the sanctuary.
All of them staring
and waving at
someone.
Then I realized it
was me.
Showtime.
One of the ladies
came over to me and
told me to just sit
in a big chair, hand
out candy canes, let
the kids sit on my
lap or wherever and
let their parents
take their pictures.
No big deal, she was
sure I could do it.
The room was hot and
I was hotter in this
velour suit. My
glasses kept fogging
up, so I took them
off and sat down and
told myself that
anyone who has been
in the Army, and a
cop and has been in
God knows how many
fights and shot at
can handle a bunch
of two, three and
four year olds.
Let me tell you
this. It was a hoot.
I had so much fun I
am determined to let
my beard grow full
next year and do it
again. I laughed
until I cried at
some of these
children. Their
personalities are so
evident even at this
early age. Some held
back while others
ran to jump in my
lap and talk. One
little girl told me
she had food for my
reindeer in her
backpack. I told one
of the little boys
to be sure and set
out some milk and
cookies for me on
Christmas Eve. He
looked at me and
said… “We did that
last year, and you
didn’t drink all of
the milk and the
cookies got hard and
we had to throw them
away.” I promised I
would do better this
time.
There were many
requests for
puppies, but I kind
of reneged on
promising them that
they were a sure
thing. I just told
them we would have
to see if we had
enough this year.
Let Mom and Dad
handle that one.
I asked another
little girl what she
wanted and she did
not hesitate to tell
me… “A baby sister”.
I told her mother
what she had said
and the mother
advised that was one
request that wasn’t
going to be answered
anytime soon.
The best one was a
precious little girl
with a sheet of
paper with cutouts
of all of her toys
that she wanted to
tell me about. On
her way out, I asked
if she wanted to
give the sheet to me
to take back to the
North Pole and she
told me…. “No, I
think I’ll keep it.”
No fool there.
I only managed to
make four or five
cry and these were
very young…so I
didn’t feel too bad.
I don’t think they
had a clue as to
what was going on.
It was a wonderful
day. It renewed my
faith in the human
race once more and
makes me want to try
harder to make a
difference in this
world while I have
time. God Bless you
all….hug those
children, call
someone and tell
them that you love
them and be
good….Santa is
watching.
Merry Christmas to
all…
