Each
and every week for
the past twenty or
so years I’ve sat
down and knocked out
one of these
columns. Each week
that goes by, I
search for something
new to write about.
In all of these
years I cannot think
of a single thing
that I’ve written
about more than once
or twice. I seem to
do a lot about men
and women, but that
just seems natural
to me.
The other topic I’ve
focused upon is the
government. It
always seems like
there is something
to write about in
that category. I
never run out of
things to discuss.
This past week was
not different.
As you might recall,
we’re moving into
another house. We
finally sold ours
and started moving
over a week ago.
Moving entails
changing your
address, moving your
utilities and
various other
functions. If you’re
trying to look for
something to write
about, it also gives
you an opportunity
to observe new
things, any of which
might be the subject
of another weekly
effort.
This past week was
no exception. My
first trip was to
the post office. You
can always count on
something happening
there. As luck would
have it, I made two
observations which
I’ll tell you about.
Several years ago,
we stopped receiving
mail at our house
due to some folks
stealing things in
our box. We started
using a post office
box. Trust me that
has led to some
things I could write
several columns
about, but I don’t
have the time this
week. Anyway, after
standing in line for
about fifteen
minutes I handed
over my two keys for
the box to one of
the guys at the
counter. I told him
that I had changed
my address the week
before and just
wanted to return the
keys. He hands me a
two page form to
fill out. I’m
thinking it’s to get
the money back for
the unused portion
of my box rent which
I had just paid.
Seeing that it
looked rather
lengthy, I stepped
tot the side so
other people could
take care of their
business. I told the
postal employee that
I would fill it all
out and was he the
person that should
get it once I
finished. He said…
‘Yes, and then I can
give you your two
dollars back.” I
asked what happened
to my box rent and
he said I’d have to
come back for
another form; this
one was just for the
return of my key
deposit. I walked
out, who has time to
fill out two pages
for two dollars? Not
me.
On the way to the
car, another guy has
one of the drop in
boxes open and is
taking all of the
mail out and putting
it into a big
basket. A lady stops
and hands him a
couple of letters.
He tells her they
have to go into the
slot in the box once
he’s finished
cleaning it out. She
tells him that
she’ll miss the pick
up if she has to do
that and can’t he
just put them in his
basket while she’s
standing there? He
says, nope has to go
into the box. Then
he closes the box,
pushes the basket
away and the woman
stands there. I told
her to go back into
the post office and
put the mail in the
slot inside, it
might still go out.
Insanity.
I call the alarm
people to have my
alarm disconnected.
After you go through
about five minutes
of some unknown
music the voice mail
prompt tells you
that if you want to
change or disconnect
your service, press
three. I do this and
the music comes back
on. Another three or
four minutes goes by
and finally a real
human (I suppose she
was real) comes on
the line and I tell
her I want to stop
the service since
we’re moving. She
says I can’t do this
at this number since
they are the local
office and I have to
go through the
national office to
cancel service. I
ask if that’s the
case, why have an
option number three
on your voice prompt
and she tells me
that she really
doesn’t know , but
it’s always been
there and she gets
asked this question
several times a day.
My final for the day
was when I called
the power company to
disconnect my
electricity. Here
again, you get a
full ten minutes of
Mozart’s string
quartet for cement
pouring or something
like this. Anyway,
the prompt tells you
to enter your ten
digit account number
and press the pound
sign. I do this four
times and each time
it tells me I don’t
have a valid
account. Finally
another human comes
on the line (I swear
it’s the same woman
as the one working
at the alarm
company) who tells
me I don’t have an
account with this
number. I tell her
that’s funny since
they have been
cashing my checks
for over ten years
without any
problems. She asks
if there is a hyphen
before the last
number in my
account. I tell her
yes and she says
that’s the problem.
She says I must
enter the account
number as well as
the hyphen. I tell
her there is no
hyphen on a
telephone and she
tells me… “I hear
this every day…..”
I have to stop now
and go unload some
boxes.
