Letters from North
America
Most
of the people that I
associate with suffer
from the same habit.
That is checking the
obituaries in the paper
prior to the sports or
comic pages. These days
there isn’t much sense
in reading what’s on the
front page as by the
time it comes out in
print you’ve already
heard about it on the
radio, TV, internet,
facebook, twitter or
your cell phone. About
the only things you
can’t predict are the
ball scores and someone
dying.
Certainly everything you
can read concerning
politicians is fairly
predictable; the same
goes for movie stars and
rock stars. The
politicians (both
parties) are caught
stealing (again) and the
movie and rock stars are
either living with
someone new or going
into rehab for
‘substance’ abuse
(again). So, who won the
game last night after
you went to bed and who
died yesterday are
pretty much all we have
left that is current. I
mentioned the comics
earlier, but even the
funny pages for the most
part have stopped being
funny and are now
political rhetoric.
My wife’s’ grandmother
used to tell us that she
looked at the obituaries
every morning to make
sure she wasn’t in them.
I liked her train of
thought.
Writing obituaries must
be a very tough job in
the sense that you can’t
really say that the
person who died was …
‘terrrible to be around’
or ‘hard to get along
with’. No, you’d have to
dress it up and make it
palatable so you don’t
hurt anyone’s feelings.
Remind me to tell you a
joke about that someday
if we ever meet. I would
imagine it’s hard for
the writer to describe
the personality of
someone they don’t or
will ever know in
person. They just have
to go by what the person
placing the ad tells
them.
The writer also has to
be careful not to use
phrasing that becomes
habitual. Like the folks
who write real estate
ads. When they say
‘cozy’ you know the
place is small. If they
say.. ‘fixer upper’….you
know it’s a dump. If
they say the place is
‘remote or isolated ’…it
means you have to pack a
sack lunch to drive to
the closest place of
civilization. The word
‘cute’ isn’t good for
real estate ads or for
possible blind dates.
A couple of things about
obituaries do make me
wonder. Have you ever
noticed that some of
these folks ‘terminated’
rather than died? What
is that about? Does that
mean that they failed to
renew so their license
was …terminated? How
about they ‘departed’?
Departed for where?
Their body is still
here, so did the train
pull out and leave them
at the station? They
should have been on
board. In our part of
the country you hear
that someone…
‘passed’. That word
always makes me think of
graduating from one
class to another. No,
they can just announce
that … ‘he died’ or even
better… ‘he has moved
on’…whenever I finally
leave this old world of
ours.
My last point is about
the picture. Why on
earth would you want to
use a picture of what
you looked like at age
20? If you die at 80
years old, no one has
seen that side of you
for close to 60 years.
Your own mother wouldn’t
recognize you. No, sir
put up a picture of me
that shows me like I was
the day before I left. I
earned those age spots,
those wrinkles, and
those smile lines. All
of those things took me
a long time to
accumulate and I’m proud
of them. It isn’t easy
to get old in today’s
world. All of us have to
scramble every day just
to keep our heads above
water. Just getting old
is an accomplishment
today.
Don’t even get me
started about whether I
want to be buried or
cremated. As far as I’m
concerned you can use
whatever anyone needs of
whatever I have left and
then dispose of me
however you see fit. I’m
not there any longer. I
won’t know and I won’t
care. Don’t waste a lot
of money on my account.
Take everyone to lunch
or give some kid going
to college some bucks.
That makes more sense to
me than some expensive
box to be put into the
ground. Keep me in your
memory not on some cold
stone in a graveyard.
I’ve moved on to the
next step.
I’m in a better place
with my dogs waiting for
you.
Comments go to
pperry@austin.rr.com
