Letters from North America
by Peary Perry
I
think I’ve told you
before that in my former
life, I was a cop. That
was many, many, moons
ago. The funny about
being an ex-cop is that
you still carry around a
lot of the things that
you learned or
experienced. Things like
where you sit in a
restaurant, the way you
walk, stuff like that.
I’ve had people look at
me years after I left
the police department
and ask me…”Were you
ever a policeman?” Now,
you know the best thing
about being an ex-cop is
that there is this
unwritten brotherhood of
ex-cops. Once a cop,
always a cop sort of
thing. It comes in handy
sometimes. But, my being
an ex-cop isn’t the
reason for this week’s
article. Nope, I am here
to tell you that there
exists in our society
today a brotherhood much
larger than that of
cops. This is the
Brotherhood of
Motherhood.
Now, the other night,
the wife and I are out
walking. We see a couple
of kids in a front yard
with sticks in their
hands sword fighting.
You’ve seen this; you’ve
probably done this. Now,
sure as shooting, out
comes Mom on the front
porch and says what?
Well, you can fill this
in as well as I can,
since we all know what
Mom’s are programmed to
say. “Put those sticks
down before someone’s
eye gets poked out.” How
many times in our
lifetimes have we heard
these words of caution?
How many people in our
lifetimes have we ever
seen with their eyes
poked out since they
didn’t pay attention to
their Mommas?
Another classic line
from the Brotherhood of
Motherhood is this
one….”Don’t stick your
arms out of the window
while the car is moving
because a truck will
come by and tear your
arm right off.” I have
seen people walking
around that had lost an
arm, but have never had
the nerve to ask….”Why
didn’t you listen to
your Momma?” Is this a
genetic thing or a
learned thing? Do women
learn this from their
mothers and pass it on
down from one generation
to another or is this a
form of learned
behavior?
I’m beginning to think
this is something they
learn in school at some
time or another.
Perhaps, when guys are
going to really
important classes like
woodshop or metalworking
or football, those girls
are off learning secret
things in classes called
‘home economics’ or
something. I don’t think
males are allowed to go
into home economics
classes are they? So
that explains it.
The
one common worldwide
instruction for all
mothers has got to
be…”Be sure and wear
clean
underwear….” I’ve heard
this all of my life. So
have you. I have never
known anyone in all of
my years that has had to
decide whether to go to
the emergency room first
or have the ambulance
take them home so they
can be sure they have
fresh panties or briefs
on.
I’ve been a number of
emergency rooms and I
don’t know that the
topic of who forgot to
wear clean drawers ever
came up. I mean, these
folks talk about bullet
holes and knife wounds,
not underwear. These are
serious people trying to
save lives; not see who
is naughty or nice.
Perhaps women get some
kind of a book from the
government that kind of
outlines their role in
society and what they
will be expected to say
in certain situations.
It’s got to be something
like this. Because all
of the mothers I’ve ever
heard say the same
things using the same
words. I’ve been in
England and heard
mothers in London tell
their kids to be careful
when they go to the
bathroom. You’ll hear a
mother in Omaha say the
exact thing.
Think back…how many
times have you been in
the grocery store and
heard some mother tell
her son or daughter…”No,
you can’t have that, do
you think money grows on
trees?” Where did that
originate? Who would
have ever thought money
grew on trees in the
first place? Who hasn’t
heard this before? Raise
your hands…Just as I
thought, I can’t see any
hands raised. Of course,
when I bring up this
topic for discussion
with my wife. She just
smiles and says…”Well,
all of our kids have
their eyes and arms
don’t they?” How can I
argue with that?
Read past articles at
www.pearyperry.com
