Letters from North
America
I
promise that this will
be the last article I
write about my youngest
son getting married.
Next week I’ll get back
on the economy or
taxation or crime or
something that might be
of more interest to you.
In the meantime just
bear with me, ok?
Over the past twenty
five years or so, I’ve
always tried to convey
some words of wisdom to
those young men who are
about to be married. I
have explained how to
best avoid such topics
as … “Would you remarry
if something should
happen to me?” (No, I
would become a monk)
“Does this dress make my
butt too large?” ( Is
that someone at the
door? I’ll get it).
“Have you ever been
sorry that you married
me?” ( The thought has
never crossed my mind
even once).
My final words to him
concern nine words and
phrases that women use
after you are married.
These (like a display of
temper) are seldom seen
during the
dating/engagement cycle.
This is kind of like
buying a surprise
box….you don’t get to
see the entire thing
until after you’ve paid
for it and taken it
home. I would encourage
you to cut this article
out and save it for some
young man who is a
family member or a
friend as it should save
him a considerable
amount of grief. I did
not make this up, some
kind person sent these
to me, but I think they
work for all of us
married men.
NINE WORDS/PHRASES WOMEN
USE
(1) Fine: This is the
word women use to end an
argument when they are
right and you need to
shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she
is getting dressed, this
means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only
five minutes if you have
just been given five
more minutes to watch
the game before helping
around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the
calm before the storm.
This means something,
and you should be on
your toes. Arguments
that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.
(see #1)
(4) Go Ahead: This is a
dare, not permission.
Don’t Do It! This never
ends well.
(5) Loud Sigh: This is
actually a word, but is
a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by
men. A loud sigh means
she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why
she is wasting her time
standing here and
arguing with you about
nothing. (Refer back to
# 3 for the meaning of
nothing.) Note: this
expression may be
followed by ‘Fine’ (see
#1)
(6) That’s Okay: This is
one of the most
dangerous statements a
women can make to a man.
That’s okay means she
wants to think long and
hard before deciding how
and when you will pay
for your mistake. This
can vary in length from
twenty four hours to
several years. Do not
mistake silence for
acceptance.
(7) Thanks: A woman is
thanking you, do not
question, or faint. Just
say you’re welcome. (I
want to add in a clause
here – This is true,
unless she says ‘Thanks
a lot’ – that is PURE
sarcasm and she is not
thanking you at all. DO
NOT say ‘you’re welcome’
. that will bring on a
‘whatever’).
(8) Whatever: Is a
woman’s way of saying
“You can go to H_ _ __
as far as I’m
concerned.”
(9) Don’t worry about
it, I got it: Another
dangerous statement,
meaning this is
something that a woman
has told a man to do
several times, but is
now doing it herself.
This will later result
in a man asking ‘What’s
wrong?’ For the woman’s
response refer to # 3.
I’m certain there are
many more that I could
write about, but I just
don’t have the time this
week. I’m also aware
that there are probably
as many words/phrases
that men use that women
could discuss at a later
date. Since I’m an equal
opportunity writer, if
you can think of any,
send them on. I’ll work
up something that
explains the ladies side
of the story as well.
