To
get your mind off of
the upcoming
election, I thought
I would throw in a
little humor this
week. When will this
be over? It seems
like it’s been going
on for at least a
full year.
My 50 year high
school reunion is
coming up in about
18 months or so.
Between now and then
there are several
things that I must
get done.
First of all, I need
to lose about fifty
pounds. I weighed
112 when I
graduated, but I
think that would be
impossible for me to
realistically
achieve unless I
stopped eating
altogether for the
remaining period of
time. Even then I
don’t think I would
make it or if I did
I would have to be
wheeled in with all
sorts of tubes and
bags hanging on me.
Not a good
impression. This
might have a
dampening effect on
the whole party.
Next, I have to have
a hair transplant
and a full face
lift. I need to do
this in the not so
distant future since
I want the scars to
heal and for the
surgery not to be so
obvious. I think
hair transplants
such as the one Joe
Biden got are really
terrible, so I need
to research what
looks super natural.
Oh, and I’ll need at
least 5 hours a day
in the gym to tone
and muscle up my
sagging body.
The last and
probably most
important part of
this plan is to make
a huge amount of
money to pay for all
of the items I’ve
outlined above. Of
course you have to
allow for a complete
new wardrobe for
both my wife and
myself. The money
part is probably the
stickiest part of my
plan.
I realize I should
have gotten started
earlier, but some
things just kept
getting in the way.
Among them were kids
and grandkids, jobs,
houses, parents,
taxes, health,
school, and a raft
of other things that
seemed to occupy my
time for these past
50 years. I sit back
and think to myself
that it sure seemed
as if it flew by in
a hurry. Just the
other day it was
1960 and here it is
2008 already. Whoa,
that was quick.
I think the last
reunion I went to
was my 25th. Someone
on the organization
committee had
printed the name
tags in red ink.
Trust me; you don’t
want to do this. No
one at the 25th
wanted to be seen
wearing glasses and
the red ink in a
dimly lit ballroom
made the names
virtually impossible
to read. So,
everyone ended up
squinting and trying
to grab a glimpse on
the sly.
Of course it didn’t
help that everyone
had changed. Few of
us looked like we
did at age 18.
I don’t know why,
but when I look in
the mirror I see the
same person I have
always been. It’s
when I am trying to
run up several
flights of stairs or
lift heavy objects
that my body tends
to fail. I’ve also
noticed that my
eyesight isn’t as
sharp as it was
before and my wife
tells me I need to
invest in a hearing
aid. I choose to
believe I have
selective hearing
and will put off the
hearing aid as long
as I can.
The good news is
that I think by this
stage of the game,
everyone should be
past the point of
trying to impress
everyone else. No
limo’s or other
nonsense like that.
No by this time in
our lives I think
all of us would be
wearing sensible
shoes with good arch
supports as well as
comfortable loose
fitting clothing.
Instead of your
athletic prowess you
should be glad to
show that you still
have all of your own
teeth. As well as
other material parts
of your body.
Growing old or older
certainly isn’t a
lot of fun but it
beats not growing
older. I met a guy
at lunch today who
was 88 and says he
is still trying to
figure out what to
do when he grows up.
I want this to be my
attitude. So many
people are concerned
over what other
people will think of
them and to be
honest no one really
cares. No one today
will probably recall
what you did or said
15 or 20 years from
now.
Unless it was
totally bizarre like
my concept of a
total body makeover
and billionaire
status within the
next 18 months.
Now that would get
people’s attention.
I just wonder if I
have enough time to
pull it off.
Probably not.
