Anyone
who has been married
for any length of
time can identify
with what I am about
to say.
Aside from the
physical aspects,
there is a distinct
difference between
the way men think
and the way women
think. Trust me on
this one.
As you know, if you
have been reading
this for some time,
we just moved into
another house. I
won’t bore you with
a repeat of the
dangers associated
with making the
actual move. This
week I’d like to
cover a few things
that have happened
after the move.
The first is that
women seem to think
about a garbage
disposal the same
way as a man thinks
about a
chipper/shredder.
The one in the house
we moved into was
the ever popular
‘weasel’ model and
is about 1/3
horsepower. Barely
enough to chew up
wet paper towels. My
loving wife is used
to the giant
industrial
commercial grade one
I had installed in
our previous house.
This was the 5
horsepower
(Turbo-Destructor
Model 9500) with the
rope pull start cord
which could be used
in case of
emergency. You could
grind up a stump or
angle iron if you
needed to do so. I
think you had to
have some sort of
national security
clearance just to
own one.
Anyway, we hadn’t
been in the new
place more than a
week and my bride
forgot about the
disposal and dropped
something like a
banana peel or a
potato peel down and
of course, it backed
up. Naturally this
always happens on
either late Friday
evening or on the
weekend, when the
repair guys are on
quadruple overtime
with mileage and
bonus incentives.
Fortunately for us,
our youngest son is
living with us until
he gets married in a
couple of months and
he installed the new
‘Super Beaver- 1000’
model. We couldn’t
get one of the old
ones since they are
no longer on the
market after 9/11. I
hope the people who
bought our old house
are not any sort of
national security
risk. But, now we
are back on track
and life is good
once more in our
happy home.
That is except for a
couple of things.
First of all, women
think nothing of
moving furniture
just for the shear
pleasure of it. Men
tend to leave things
in place. My wife
will actually move a
couch from one wall
to another for some
unknown reason to
me. I have never in
all of my years
actually considered
moving all of the
bedroom furniture
from one place to
another …. ‘Just to
see how it looks’. I
know how it looks,
it looks fine. Leave
it alone. You don’t
see men moving duck
and deer blinds from
one place to
another. Nope, they
leave them in the
same places, year
after year. There’s
a good reason for
that…ask any hunter
and he’ll tell you.
Second thing
concerns hanging
pictures. If men
hang pictures, they
tend to keep it
simple, bang a nail
into the wall and
put the picture on
the nail. Not so
with women. They
will actually
‘arrange’ pictures.
They will do all
sorts of
measurements and
then put five or six
pictures on the same
wall and keep them
all even and level.
Men cannot do this
even with one of
those new laser
levels. Men are used
to dealing with
abstract concepts
and shapes such as
the skins from some
prehistoric beast or
a deer or buffalo
skin. Women can
handle squares and
rectangles such as
we see on picture
frames. Men do not
have this ability
since in nature
there are no
straight lines.
Another point I’d
like to make, if a
man hangs a picture
on a wall, it stays
hung there until he
moves to another
house or he dies,
whichever comes
first. My wife will
actually move
pictures around from
place to place (see
earlier comments
about furniture).
She doesn’t have any
credible explanation
for this kind of
behavior and after
you have been
married as long as I
have then you know
better than to ask
why she is doing
what she is doing.
If your wife engages
in this kind of
activity and asks
you if you think the
pictures look nice,
I suggest you agree
with her.
One final thought
for you young men
about to married for
the first time, do
not under any
circumstances
suggest something
along the lines of…
“Honey I think that
picture would look
good on that wall”.
If you do this, do
so at your own risk
since she will
assume you like to
move furniture and
you enjoy doing it.
You will thank me
for this advice many
years from now.
