Letters from North
America
You
know sometimes there are
things out there that we
should not try to
improve upon. For
example, whoever the
first guy was that
invented fire. Now, that
was a great tool that
hasn’t been improved
since the dawn of
mankind. Can’t improve
on it can we? But
really…think about
this….when televisions
first came out …everyone
was so thrilled to just
have one that it took
years to realize that we
had to actually get up
from the couch and walk
(yes, walk) to the TV
set and turn a knob to
tune in another channel.
I wonder if anyone has
done a survey to see
what the fat content of
the average American has
risen to since TV
remotes came into
existence. Good thought
for you grant
applicants.
Remote controls have
done more to produce
couch potatoes than any
other device invented to
date. However, look
around…..We now have a
remote for how many
devices in our houses?
Well, besides the one
for the TV, we have one
for the cable machine.
Then another one for the
stereo. Next we’ve got
one for the DVD and
finally one for the
IPOD. Try getting all of
those to work in
beautiful harmony, if
you can (you can’t but
your 10 year old nephew
can).
Then if, we are smart we
got out and buy
something called a
‘universal remote’. Now
this is a device sold by
con men that will tell
you… ‘This is the ONLY
device you’ll ever
need’…. Lies, lies,
lies. I know, since I’ve
been a victim of their
outrageous deception. I
bet I’ve bought 5 or 6
of those things….. The
programming guide
requires a Ph.D. from
Cal Tech or some school
of advanced physics.
First off, you have to
know what make and model
you have for your TV,
cable machine, and DVD.
Who knows that? We threw
that stuff away with the
instructions. So now we
have to play the point
and click game. That’s a
neat little game wherein
you sit in front of the
TV set fully dressed and
point this little hand
held device at all of
the electrical
appliances while waiting
for the hand held device
to beep or light up or
anything when it
‘recognizes’ the make
and model of your stuff.
If you are a human and
you can’t do this…what
makes you think a
battery operated hand
held thingamabob can do
better than you? I have
to think there is
probably some room full
of computer designers
just sitting around
laughing their heads off
about those of us
sitting in front of our
TV sets pointing away
and screaming at the
kids to shut up so we
can hear the thing if it
beeps.
Now, the other day I was
having a ceiling fan
installed. It took the
guy about three times
longer than it should
have. This was unusual,
since I was paying him
by the job not the hour.
I expect them to take
longer when they are
paid by the hour.
Anyway, he finally gets
it fixed and we are
talking while I write
the check. I asked him
what took so long and he
said this model had been
wired for a remote
control.
Great, now we can sit on
the couch and don’t even
have to get up to turn
the fan off and on or
make it speed up or slow
down. The only thing
worse than this is a
remote control fire
place. And believe it or
not….they have them.
Yes, now you can sit
your fat self on the
couch and turn on the
TV, stereo, cable box,
DVD…your IPOD, and have
the fan on and blowing
your fat self …then if
you get cold you can
punch a button and have
the fire place come on
and heat up the room so
your fat self won’t have
to be disturbed by
getting up to actually
do something. I counted
87 buttons on all of my
remotes the other night.
I bet I use 10 at the
max. At this rate, in
about 15 or 20 years, I
bet you won’t have to
get up from the couch to
go get anything to eat
or drink. Makes you
wonder what they will do
about the bathrooms,
doesn’t it? Porta
potties. Wave of the
future. What a thought.
I’m out of here, got to
go for a walk. I need a
walk…in fact I need a
lot of walks.
Comments go to
pperry@austin.rr.com
