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Expiration Dates
I
suppose it’s a sure sign of old age when you find yourself
looking into the obituaries each morning and giving out a
sigh of relief when you find your name is not listed.
My Uncle once told me with great enthusiasm that “Any day
above ground was a good day.”
It’s probably only natural that the older we get the more we
become aware of what’s behind us and what’s in front of us,
time wise. My mailbox is cluttered with junk ads which
remind me on a daily basis of my impending demise at some
point out there in the future. I get ads asking me to donate
all of my worldly possessions to some cause or another with
the sly inference that I won’t be needing them very much
longer anyway.
I get mail for ‘pre-planning’, cemetery lots and cremation
services. The other day, I received a brochure from some
goofy outfit trying to convince me to have my mortal remains
…’blasted off into outer space.’ That’s what I want, to be
shot up in some capsule and drift around the Earth for a
zillion years or so. As if I’d know, but still not something
I’d want to have done with whatever’s left of me when I do
pass on.
First off, I’m not that old. Second thing is I plan on being
around for a good number of years, so take me off your lists
and quit calling me. I’m not going anywhere that I know of
anytime soon.
As much as I like computers and our digital age, I have this
intense hatred for that big database somewhere that
obviously has my age keyed into it and then is rented out to
the ghoulish companies who are looking at me as a
prospective cadaver in the near future.
For your information, I’m busier than ever, I am more active
than ever and I plan to stay that way until my time comes,
which I hope is not anytime real soon since I just have too
many things to get done before I’m finished. I agree with
what Napoleon once said, which was …”Rest is rust.” He
certainly wasn’t any slacker.
Old age fascinates me, when I sit next to someone who is
obviously up there in years; I always ask them to tell me
what they have learned about staying alive for so long.
Invariably, they’ll tell me that they believe it’s staying
active and always on the move. One of my best friends is
about to turn 80 in a few months, Let me tell you, he is a
ball of fire and I’d challenge anyone to try and match him
step for step. When I grow up, I want to be just like him.
I figure as long as you’re in good health, which I am, then
why slow down or give up just because you’re getting on in
years? I’ve seen, and I bet you have as well, people who
retired from some active line of work and the next thing you
know, they’re dead as a doornail in just a short period of
time. Almost like taking it easy was too stressful.
I do know one thing. When they finally do put me in the
paper, I want them to use a current picture of me, not one
that was taken when I was twenty years old. What’s that all
about? I can never figure out why folks put some photo of
themselves in uniform from World War 11. You and I both know
we don’t look the same as we did when we were twenty. So,
why use a photo that probably doesn’t even look like you
anymore? I want people to see the real me, those lines and
wrinkles took a lot of smiles and tears to earn. They
weren’t easy to come by.
The other thing, I want them to say something along the
lines of …’he died’. Not, he expired or he passed….the truth
is we die….sure we know or should know where we’re going
when we die, but I don’t think of dying the same as
expiring. That always says to me that his time ran out
because he didn’t get something renewed.
“Oops, too late, you should have been in here
yesterday…you’ll have to expire.”
“He passed” has the same kind of connotation to me. I wonder
if he could have failed? Where did he pass to? Too confusing
to me. Did this guy think it was a test or something?
Now, if anything I’ve written makes you mad because this is
the way you wrote the obituary for someone in your family,
don’t send me a bunch of letters about it. What I am saying
is just my opinion, for what its worth.
Besides, I ‘m too busy learning how to sky dive.
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