Letters from North America
by Peary Perry
We
must be living in better
economic times. I can
always tell by the
number of catalogs I get
in the mail each week.
I’m often tempted to
bundle them up and send
them back, but then I
stop and think it
through and convince
myself that they
wouldn’t care anyway, so
why bother?
I don’t have the time or
the inclination to read
each and every one of
them that arrive with
great regularity. The
majority of them get
tossed in the trash on
the way from the box to
the house.
However, every once in a
while I come across one
that hits my fancy and I
take a moment to look it
over.
I am looking at one of
those that have all of
the various kitchen and
garden implements that
you can think of but
don’t really need. Our
kitchen is full of stuff
like this that might get
used once or twice a
year, so why bother
buying it in the first
place?
Here are some prime
examples….How about a
happy birthday revolving
musical cake stand?
Everyone needs one of
these…when you have the
kids over for a birthday
party, you can sit the
cake on top , press a
button and it plays the
song for you…no need to
sing….what’s the fun in
that? We love to sing
the birthday song…..who
wants to have a
recording of it since
you’d still sing it
anyway.
A wrist wallet? This is
a handy little item to
put your keys, money,
and whatever when you
‘leave the house’ and go
jogging or whatever. Who
jogs without pockets? In
fact, who jogs? I only
need one key for the
house if I’m walking or
jogging…why carry your
car keys if you aren’t
driving? Dumb.
Oh, here’s one for
you….a marshmallow tree.
This little do-dad
allows you to roast 10,
count ‘em 10,
marshmallows at the same
time. I though the whole
idea of roasting
marshmallows was to
allow everyone to use
their own coat hanger to
roast their own however
they wanted them….from
semi done to charcoal
broiled. Your kids will
end up in a sword fight
and someone’s eye will
get poked out… Also
dumb.
Double ended spreader.
This one is crazy. This
allows you to spread
peanut butter and jelly
on a piece of bread
without the pb or the
jelly touching. What
happens when it hits
your mouth? Don’t the
two of them touch then
or do they slide down
your gullet
independently? Even if
they did, when they got
to your tummy tummy tum….
They’d mix it up.
Besides, what a knife
for anyway? You can
always lick the knife,
I’m not so sure about
this thing. Super dumb.
Swivel seat for cars….in
case your rear end won’t
or can’t exit the car,
then you might need this
one. Here’s a lazy Susan
that you sit on in your
car. Then when you go to
get out it turns and
allows you ‘easily exit
the vehicle’. It appears
to be made of hard
rubber or plastic which
I would be willing to
bet would put the hurt
on your big butt after a
few hours of driving.
Lose some weight…jog.
Scratch this one as
well.
I always save the best
for last.
What we all need is a
time/temperature and
date indicating key tag.
Yeah…I want one of
these. Let’s see…I
have a watch, a clock in
my car, a thermometer in
my car and one on the
door to the garage. I
read the paper each day
so I know what day it
is. This device requires
more batteries and for
me to change it to the
correct time twice a
year when daylight
savings time does
whatever it does. So why
would anyone need one of
these? It’ll end up in a
drawer with the
flashlights that don’t
work.
In short, I have and you
probably have more
useless things than we
can shake a stick at, so
why bother getting more
to clutter up our lives?
I’ve got things in our
kitchen we have used
once or twice in thirty
years…..I can’t see
buying something unless
it’s got a fairly
regular use….
Of course the
combination earmuff
am/fm radio walkie
talkie did look pretty
neat…..never can tell, I
might need that…..
Have a good week…
Read past articles at
www.pearyperry.com
