Letters from North
America
Thank
God I only have two
knees. One was fixed
some thirty five years
ago and the other was
replaced about two weeks
ago. I should be good to
go for another fifteen
or twenty years. If I
had any more to repair I
think I would have to
drink poison or
something. Sitting
around the house is not
any fun for me; it is
boring with a capital
‘B’.
I seldom get time to
watch daytime
television, and after a
solid week of it, cannot
figure out whey they
even have any
programming on at all,
it’s all so bad. I
basically got tired of
watching the hair grow
back on my legs where
they operated and was
led into a life of “As
the world turns”,
“General Hospital” and
some other soap opera
about vampires. I still
can’t figure that one
out. Maybe it’s the pain
medication. It’s beyond
me how anyone can get
hooked on these things,
they are so predicable.
I don’t think I’ve seen
one in twenty or thirty
years, but they haven’t
changed. All of the
actors seem to practice
staring a lot.
“Jennifer has a car
wreck and the male
passenger with her is
seriously
injured….Jennifer’s
husband (Brad) is upset
and refuses to believe
her story about this
being one of the members
of her adult bible
study. What is the
truth?”
“Jason comes home late
from drinking with his
friends and tells his
wife that he was
abducted against his
will by a group of
aliens pretending to be
old college chums.”
“Who is the real father
of Leslie’s baby?”
To make matters worse,
my cable goes out and
I’m reduced to about
five channels. I call
the cable people and
they tell me it will be
a week before they can
come out and repair it.
I can’t get off the
couch to do anything and
am about to go nuts
watching the soaps and
the news. Both of which
can make you question
your sanity. I finally
get the cable people
back on the line and
plead for mercy, I may
have cried, I don’t
recall. They send a
technician out to fix
the problem, but in the
course of making the
repairs he tells me this
story about how gruesome
the surgery was on his
girlfriends’ back. I
can’t leave and know I
am about to pass out
while he describes all
of the gory details of
her operation. Finally
he finishes and I’m back
on track to watch some
quality programming.
This being the Fourth of
July week, all of the
old movies are war
movies, which I’ve seen
a thousand times. I sit
through Midway twice and
when you can remember
the words of the
Japanese, you know you
should quit. I’ve seen
Gaslight more times than
I can count. Enough
already send in some new
stuff for heavens sake.
Next I tune to the
channel where Modern
Marvels is having a
weekend long marathon. I
learn more about corn
and it’s thousands of
uses than I ever needed
to know in my life. Then
I get hooked on barges
dredging the Mississippi
River. What an
interesting way to spend
a couple of hours.
Watching a giant ship
dig up sand and mud and
throw it back onto the
shoreline. Simply
fascinating. I should
have recorded it for
future viewing. These
men work long and hard,
but two hours was my
limit. I was tired
enough to doze through
most of the next couple
of hours concerning the
refloating of a barge
that had gotten stuck on
land during one of the
last hurricanes. By the
time I woke up, I had a
case of the big eye and
couldn’t sleep.
Great news, another
marathon on The
Deadliest Catch. This
one will keep you on the
edge of your chair.
Throw out bait and pull
in fish. Throw out bait
and pull in crabs. Next
hours….throw out bait
and pull in fish. Throw
out bait and pull in
crabs. Repeat for
several more hours.
I finally give up and
find a book to read.
There is only so much
room in your brain for
vast amounts of useless
information.
One thing I would like
to know is how does the
hair on your legs know
to grow to a certain
length and then stop?
Now that’s a show I
could watch.
