I’m
beginning to think
the nomads and the
Mongols had the best
approach… throw
everything away…keep
nothing but what you
need to feed
yourself and your
clothes. Oh, yes and
probably some
weapons of some sort
to defend yourself
and provide food for
the family.
Other than these,
you need nothing.
Last week I thought
I was finished
telling you about my
move into a new
house, but I wasn’t.
Since the buyers of
ours wanted to start
moving into ours on
the day we actually
closed the sale, we
didn’t have enough
time to sort a lot
of the stuff we have
accumulated over the
past thirty eight
years. We are doing
this now as we
unpack boxes.
As you know, from
time to time I have
offered my long time
advice to younger
men who are just
getting married;
here is another one
just for them.
Please pass this
along, trust me it
will save them a lot
of grief in the
coming years.
Young men, do
yourself a favor and
set this rule into
motion as quickly as
you possibly can
once you start into
a serious
relationship. It’s a
simple rule; just
tell your beloved
one thing.
“Honey, I don’t need
those things to
remind me of how
much I love you.”
If you do this, then
you will not be
going through the
pain and agony I am
about to describe.
As I stated earlier,
my wife didn’t sort
all of the stuff
we’d accumulated
before we moved and
now she is trying to
do it box by box.
First off, the folks
at the Container
Store have her on
their “Frequent
Shopper” point
program. You know
your wife has there
entirely too many
times when you walk
in the door with her
and the store
manager comes to
personally escort
you and push your
basket. We have
enough points to
spend two weeks in
China, all expenses
paid. This is not
necessarily a good
thing.
She decided to sort
all of the cards and
letters from anyone
into groups and file
them in little
plastic envelopes. I
started to ask why,
but out of fear for
my dinner declined
to do so. After a
few days of this,
she realized the
futility of this
activity and threw
away all of the
cards and letters
from everyone except
our family. This
project also failed
after another week.
Then she tossed all
of the e-mails I had
sent over the years
and kept just the
cards. Now we’re
getting somewhere.
Once she finished
with this project
she started in on
the photos. Now,
young men listen
very closely to what
I’m about to say.
You, my friend will
generally have the
responsibility of
taking family
pictures for the
remainder of your
life. While your
wife is baking
cookies or blowing
up balloons for
birthday parties,
you will be the
photographer
designate charged
with capturing these
precious memories
which define your
family’s history for
all time. Take heed
here…..when you get
these developed or
printed or whatever
you do with whatever
camera…..ONLY KEEP
THE GOOD ONES. Do
not allow your house
to become a resting
place for pictures
of bridges, trees,
rocks and fuzzy
squirrels. No one in
the future will care
about you photograph
of some plate of
barbeque you may
have ordered in some
remote Texas town,
even if the ribs
were good. The
picture in the
future will have no
meaning. I know what
you’re thinking, if
I have control of
the camera, why
can’t I just not
take the picture?
The answer is
simple; they (your
wife and your kids)
won’t let you. You
will have to
document rocks,
lizards, trees and
weird lawn art, you
will have no choice.
But you can
eliminate these from
becoming part of
your collective
useless stuff by
taking them out
before they enter
the house.
Women cannot do
this. They lack the
internal mechanism
which allows men to
throw away cards,
letters and
photographs without
a second thought.
Your wife probably
has some cards and
letters written over
a hundred years ago
stored somewhere.
She doesn’t even
know who wrote them,
but she won’t throw
them away so they
get passed along
from one generation
to another. Men have
this same problem
with worn out flags.
We can’t toss them
in the garbage so we
put them in a box
somewhere just to
get them out of our
minds.
Do yourselves a
favor only keep the
things that you can
personally identify.
Only keep the stuff
that is yours. Give
those report cards,
Valentines, school
pictures and notes
from the teacher to
your children. Make
them rent their own
storeroom. It’s good
for the economy and
it will help keep
you sane. Trust me.
