Letters from North America
by Peary Perry
This
morning, I was firmly
committed to writing an
interesting piece about
the proliferation of
tiny microscopic insects
that live all over our
bodies. I know you are
waiting to read this,
but I’ll just have to
save it for a later
week. Stay tuned.
No, I will spend this
time telling you about
my first phone call. As
I’m reading the paper
and enjoying my morning
tea, I am interrupted by
someone on my caller id
that goes by the name of
‘unidentified.’ Normally
I would not answer these
kinds of calls, but I
thought it might be one
of my sons and so I
picked it up anyway.
Well, it was the billing
department for my local
phone company. It seems
they are looking for my
money. Again. I paid
them just last month.
Anyway, I told the lady
that I had mailed her
check along with the
rest of our bills last
week as I always do.
Her answer?
“So how did you send
it?”
Dear reader, did you
notice in the paragraph
above where I told her
that “I had mailed it
the previous week”?
Obviously she did not
hear that part. So I
politely told her that I
had sent it by carrier
pigeon. I should have
asked her to look out
the window and see if
the bird was still
sitting there, but that
thought didn’t occur to
me until later.
She didn’t laugh which
showed me she suffered
from a lack of humor.
I find this fairly
common in bill
collectors.
As well as people who
work in funeral homes,
but that’s another
story.
Anyway, her next
question was fairly
predictable; she wanted
to know the check
number, the date on the
check and the address
where I sent it.
Now, remember, I’m
sitting in a chair at my
house reading the
paper…..so I tell her,
no problem, can she hold
on for a few moments
while I get dressed, go
to my office, turn on my
computer, wait until it
boots up and then look
up this information for
her that she needs? By
this time she realizes
that I am not a
cooperative person and
tells me to “Have a good
day” and hangs up.
The problem I am having
with corporations these
days is that they seem
to want you to mail your
checks to them at least
10 to 15 days ahead of
time in order for them
to be processed. This
tells me that they are
getting too much stuff
in the mail or that they
don’t have enough people
to handle the incoming
flow of payments.
Perhaps both.
Now the current trend is
to get you to sign up
for electronic payments
in which they hit your
bank account for
whatever you owe them at
the same time each and
every month. All of
their processing is done
by computers so they
save money on folks
opening envelopes and
posting the checks to
their accounts. Kind of
like the banks did to us
with ATM’s. When was the
last time you actually
walked into a bank and
cashed a check?
No, the current trend is
to get us to sign up for
automatic bank drafts to
get our bills paid…I
don’t like it. I want to
see what is on my bill
before I pay for it.
It’s bad enough that
little things get added
to my charge cards each
month without my
authorization and then
you play holy heck
trying to find out what
they are and how to get
them removed.
You can get an e-mail
from some company
telling you about one
thing or another and
before you know it, you
have signed up for a
year’s subscription to
some Chinese Investment
Newsletter that comes to
you in the mail and by
e-mail every day. Try
getting those deleted
from automatic drafts;
it’s easier to talk to
your congressman.
Maybe not.
My good hearted wife
never said anything
while I was giving the
lady from the phone
company a hard time. All
she said afterwards was
that the young woman was
just doing her job and
that she was probably
someone’s daughter, wife
or mother.
There goes the knife in
my heart. So, if you are
reading this and you
work for the phone
company and you called
me this morning and I
was rude, please accept
my apology. I am sorry
for my behavior.
I’ll pick the fastest
pigeon to deliver your
check next month.
