For the past 15 or so years, I have started each and every week thinking about what I need to write about for the column I have to produce within the next seven days. I get ideas about something or another ranging from the absurd to the serious. If you have read any of my stuff over the years, you know what I mean.
I tend to jot these ideas down on whatever I find handy at the time. I keep a notepad by my bed, but then can’t find a pencil at 3 in the morning, so I go back to sleep thinking I’ll be able to remember something great only to find out the next morning, I don’t have any idea what it was. I keep a notepad and pen in my car. I find that some of my best ideas come to me while I’m sitting in the carwash. However, I generally tear the little page out that has this great story idea, and then I can’t remember where I put it. Even worse is when I do find it; I have no earthly idea what it means. For example I’m looking at one this morning that says…” Send in the clones (clowns)? “ and “nose hair”.
What on God’s green earth do you think I was trying to explain with that one? I haven’t the foggiest. Anyway, just as I was about to start trying to knock out something witty and amusing, some unknown friend sent this to me by e-mail. I’d like to thank him or her, but can’t remember who it was…. I suppose that’s why the article is so appropriate.
Dear friends,
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table
and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox when I take
out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one
check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke
aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over. I realize the
Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator
to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye–they need to be watered.
I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to
water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with
water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the
floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day: the driveway is flooded
the car isn’t washed, the bills aren’t paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, there is still only one check in my check book, I can’t find the remote, I can’t find my glasses,
and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
I know I was busy all day long, and I’m really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my e-mail.
Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don’t remember who I have sent it to.
Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!
