Letters from North
America
My,
how time flies……I was
just thinking about the
winter Olympics the
other day and here they
are again. Actually it
was four years ago when
I thought about them but
then who’s counting? As
always I make a promise
to myself to really get
into watching all of the
events, but then my
resolve dissipates like
my diet whenever there
is a choice of
cheesecakes. I mean
well, but it just
doesn’t happen.
I hate cold. I mean I
really hate cold. When I
was in the army I was
sent to Kentucky, Korea
and Kansas…all cold
places. These places
have snow every year.
Kansas was the worst,
the wind came from who
knows where and just cut
you to the bone. I could
never seem to get warm.
In Korea we used diesel
to keep the furnaces
going when we were in
the camp. You filled
them up with a five
gallon can. About two in
the morning they always
seems to run out and I’d
get so cold I’d get out
of bed, drag the can to
the diesel tank (about
300 yards away) and come
back and fill up the
furnace. Trust me; I
wasn’t very quiet in
doing it either. Finally
I wised up and bought an
electric blanket and
solved that little
problem. The next guy
who had to go get the
diesel wasn’t very quiet
either. I still hate
him.
Anyway, here we are back
for the Olympics and I
have no clue as to who
the major players are.
In my last article (four
years ago) I suggested
some new events which I
thought might liven the
whole thing up….such as
snow bowling, Nascar
racing on a snow track
and finally combining
ski jumping with the
biathlon. None of my
suggestions seemed to be
taken to heart by the
members of the Olympic
committee, so I suppose
I’ll have to try again
in four years.
This year we seem to be
somewhat off kilter
since the events are in
the pacific time zone.
When you have them
overseas, I think we see
more of them since they
are highlighted and
broadcast in the
evening. Who has time to
watch this stuff during
the day? I suppose those
unemployed can do so,
but shouldn’t they be
out trying to find a job
rather than spending
four or five hours
watching speed skating?
This year, the little I
have seen seems to be in
the time slot where the
curling events are
taking place. To tell
the truth, I’d rather
watch paint dry. I find
that much more exciting.
Curling looks to me to
be a version of
shuffleboard on ice with
brooms. What’s with the
brooms? Are they
sweeping the space in
front because the ice is
dirty or what? You never
see a hockey player with
a broom…well in a fight
maybe, but not in a
game. Oh, well maybe
sometimes in a game.
Hockey is a great winter
game….they need to have
it at the Olympics. They
do? Well, so much for my
powers of observation.
One last thing, the
Olympic committee as
well as the host cities
are always complaining
about the cost of these
events and how much
money they lose holding
them. I should suggest
that they are missing a
bet on selling
advertising space. The
bottoms of the skies and
snowboards should be
prime spots for General
Electric and Ford. The
ice skaters usually wear
costumes without any
sponsors names on them.
Look at those guys (and
women…woman?) racing
cars…I bet they have
tattoos with Coca Cola
and Pepsi on them. Huge
sums could be made by
having those patches
sewn onto the tutu’s and
skirts of the female
skaters and maybe having
the men’s skates blink
on and off with ‘Google’
or ‘Amazon’…..it could
be big.
Back to my idea of
combining events…try
this…picture snow and
sumo wresting. The
combination of ice cold
ground and large fat
guys in small briefs or
whatever they call those
things. Boggles the mind
doesn’t it? Keep
thinking and send your
concepts to me, I’ll
group them all together
and maybe the events of
2014 will be more
interesting. I hear the
events are going to be
held in Cairo….maybe
that’s not right, but
I’ll check on it and get
back to you.
Comments got to
www.pearyperry.com.
Complaints go nowhere.
