Letters from North
America
I
feel fairly certain that
in the distant future
archeologists will start
to uncover massive
buildings around this
country and the news of
the day will go
something like this:
(AP) Texas….scientists
today uncovered what
appears to be a large
edifice containing
hundreds of machines
designed for torture.
The building in what
used to be part of a
city called…Auusstin
(sp) was found by
national construction
workers as they started
to lay the foundations
for the new regional
spaceport which will be
used for the new ferry
service to Mars. Workers
who were interviewed on
the job site stated that
their initial
inspections revealed not
only machines of every
shape and description
but also ancient
drawings of various body
parts these machines
were designed to
torture. Investigations
by the National Police
Agency (NPA) also found
a list of other such
operations in the same
local area. Officials
are using the latest
ground based radar units
to try and locate these
sites as well. This is
being done to determine
if they still exist and
if they could be
excavated for future
study. Federal officials
have made the
preliminary
determination that these
locations were used by
various political
factions (under the old
form of government) to
extract not only
information but to
coerce the citizens into
changing their ‘votes’
in upcoming elections
for their leaders.
Government leaders are
asking for funds for a
national torture museum
to house the artifacts.
By now, you’re probably
wondering what the
dickens I’m talking
about. Well, these
building aren’t torture
chambers at all, just
the local health clubs
we have scattered around
our country. But imagine
what would happen if
someone found one of
these that had been
hidden for hundreds or
thousands of years….what
would they think? It
isn’t hard to envision
future scientists
pouring over the various
pieces of equipment and
trying to formulate an
idea about their
intended use. These
machines aren’t for
sissies.
The health club I belong
to has a machine for
everything you could
imagine (and some I
can’t imagine) to push,
pull, stretch and pound
almost any part of your
body you can think of.
So far I haven’t found
anything to improve my
ears, but then again I
haven’t finished looking
around the place. At
first I was curious as
to why almost everyone
wore earphones and was
listening to music or
some audio book while
they exerted themselves.
After several sessions
where I was subjected to
grown men and women
crying in agony and
pain, I brought mine
with me as well. Now I
just step over their
prostrate bodies while
listening to Elvis croon
out … ‘Don’t be cruel’
or Beethoven’s Fifth
turned up as loud as I
can stand it.
In spite of the hurt and
pain, I do enjoy this
place much better than
others in the past. I do
wish their trainers and
employees would be kind
enough to leave me alone
and not make comments as
they pass me such as …
‘tsk, tsk’ or snicker. I
can’t stand anyone to
snicker when I’m lifting
weights. So what if it’s
only twenty pounds, you
have to start somewhere,
don’t you? Olympic
contenders had to pace
themselves, why
shouldn’t I do the same?
Of course pacing
yourself often means
doing more than reading
the instruction labels
on the exercise
machines, I think you
need to actually use
them to derive any true
benefit, but I could be
wrong. I’ll let you know
when I find out.
Everyone has heard that
old saw about… if I had
known I was going to
live this long I would
have taken better care
of myself. Well, that’s
certainly true in my
case, but I feel it’s
never too late to start.
I watch these guys
playing pro football and
know that if someone
fell on top of me or I
got hit like they do, I
would surely die on the
spot. At any given time
parts of my body are in
perpetual
rehabilitation, some
days both legs hurt, the
next day my shoulder is
killing me, and then it
might be one of my arms
or back. I can never
seem to feel good in all
of my places at one
time. I keep wondering
if I can get it all
together before it all
falls apart.
Napoleon once said…
“Rest is rust…”. He was
a prophet as far as I’m
concerned. I wonder if
he worked out? Probably
not…
Comments got to
www.pearyperry.com.
Complaints go nowhere.
