Ok…so lets just get it over with and say it out loud… ‘We are glad to see this year go away and we welcome a new year for all of us.’
If anyone can think of anything good that came out of this year that you really were impressed by, please let me know right away. So far, I haven’t been able to isolate anything that I found worth praising.
I am thankful that all of our family is still alive and that we have survived so far. I am not impressed with the attitude and tone of our country, but I will leave it at that and not get anyone’s panties/boxer shorts/briefs in an uproar. I am totally confused on correct pronoun usage and wish there was a guide to help me, but I guess I am like most of us and will just have to wait. So bear with me while I try to learn how to be socially correct.
Now, to move on to the topic of this week.
During the current holiday season, I have been covered up with emails from politicians (this should stop for all of us next week) as well as the usual offers for warranties on my car and the standard IRS/Social Security scam mixed in with the $28,000,000.00 that my long-lost friend in Nigeria has waiting for me. I am still waiting for the money to arrive with my winnings from the Irish Sweepstakes. I know this must be real, but it has been over a year since they said I won, must be coming on a ship from Ireland.
But I have also received a number of offers with some items that I had not seen before.
One was a walking stick (useful for things like…walking) that not only serves to help you walk….but wait, there’s more. It has a harpoon point? A knife, a saw, a Firestarter, fish scaler, hammer, glass breaker and some storage for your ‘valuables’. Just how many ‘valuables’ or what size was not explained. It says it is designed for hikers and walkers wanting a ‘little bit of extra security’ on the trail. We live in a city, not a lot of ‘trails’ around here. I can tell you for certain that if you carry one of these and attempt to use the majority of their ‘tools’ you will be arrested. Try starting a fire anywhere outside of your fireplace and they will lock you up. Harpoon point and a hammer? Go to jail time for you.
Now we live in Texas, and as long as I have been here, I cannot ever recall needing a device to ‘harpoon’ anything in my neighborhood. We see very little pods of whales this far inland, but then you never know do you? These are strange times we are living in.
The second item I found intriguing was a watch that had the following components: compass, Firestarter, thermometer, tool card (12 different tools) hook, fishing line, whistle, stop watch and last but not least a rope.
Just what I need, some 5-pound lump attached to my wrist that has a complete tool box within it. I notice the advertisement does not mention that the toolbox watch keeps accurate time. I assume (probably wrongly) that it does so. I can’t think of anytime I have been driving around the city and looked at my watch and thought…’ now would be a good time to try fishing in that pond over there.’ Or since I have this rope, I think I will rappel off this cliff. Or hog tie a cow if I can find one.
How much rope can you get inside of a watch anyway? Ah, yes, I see how this works…the wrist band is made of something called ‘paracord’ which is this super strong cord that unravels in case of an emergency. Obviously once you use it, then, good luck on getting your watch back on your wrist. Not going to happen.
I often find myself wanting to buy something like these items just to see how stupid they actually are. Of course, I realize that is exactly what the manufacturer wants me to do so it probably doesn’t matter to them at all. I have been known to buy a pig in a poke many times in my past. More times than I would like to remember.
I ma very curious to learn if any of you have bought anything really basically useless in your past…let me know if you did and I promise not to laugh at you.
I am sure I can top whatever it is you throw my way.
Here’s to all of us having a much better year in 2021…..we certainly can use it.
Good news (at last) …..I just received a notice from my hospital that I am scheduled for a vaccine injection on the 20th…so they are starting to get out to us.
Stay safe and come back each week for more.
Till next week….
Like this? Want more?
Go to Letters From North America on Facebook and sign up…..thanks
