So much to write about…so little time.

Gosh this week, it’s a tossup on what to opine upon..I am torn between discussing the tragedy of Paris Hilton having to spend 45 days in a California lockup and another article I will expound on in a moment. For those of you living in space, I will fill you in. Last week Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail for driving with a suspended license. Even though the suspension order was in the glove compartment of her car, she claims she ‘didn’t read it and didn’t understand it

This statement makes no sense whatsoever, but then what does with this woman’

Now, there is a movement going around to ‘ pardon’ her in the same spirit that President Gerald Ford did when he pardoned former President Richard Nixon. Her publicist has released a statement from Ms. Hilton saying: She urges the California actor-turned-governor to pardon Hilton because she provides “beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.”

Isn’t that special’ I am so thrilled to find out that most of us are living ‘ mundane lives. I didn’t know. On second thought I’ve wasted too much space on her this week, I’ m certain a ‘ mundane’ person like me can’t write anything that would do her justice.

So, with that out of the way, I’ll get back to the real issue of the week. I call your attention to an interesting court case in Vienna, Austria. It seems they have a chimpanzee named Hiasi whose keepers went bankrupt. Under current law, donations for his monthly upkeep can only be given to a legal entity, which the chimp isn’t..because he’s an animal.are you with me’ His supporters are filing a case in the Austrian Supreme Court to have Hiasi declared a ‘ person’ making him entitled to certain rights such as the right to own property, his right to life, not to be mistreated or tortured and other freedoms. The supporters say they will draw the line at Hiasi being allowed to vote.

That’s comforting.

Austria isn’t the only country considering this matter. Spain is working on what they call ‘ The great ape’ project. This bill, if passed, would convey fundamental moral and legal protections to apes. Apes could own property, have bank accounts and solicit funds for their care and welfare. They could be legally married and have survivorship rights.

I suppose that means they would have certain contractual rights as well, making them eligible to form recording companies and bands. This is encouraging to me since it would open up an entirely new genre of music which certainly can’t be any worse than we are currently being subjected to these days. I just wonder how well a chimp could play a guitar’ We’ll have to see. Opens up an entirely new concept for American Idol, doesn’t it’

Normally I am against liberal measures of this sort, but hear me out on this one. Chimps and apes can’t talk, can they’ Or at least not in any language we can understand. It would take years to learn what they are saying. By then we might figure out they are smarter than some of us. So, if the world courts were to decide that apes had the same rights as humans then what is to prevent them from running for public office’ They can’t pass any legislation or vote on anything that complicates our lives anymore than the folks in Washington are doing to us each and every year. They can’t make any stupid remarks or take sides; even if they did we wouldn’t know it since we couldn’t understand what they were saying. Finally the corruption would stop immediately since apes can’t or don’t steal, do they’ Even if they do, it’s be small bananas’ not billions.

I’d vote for a monkey or an ape any day over the current lineup we are facing for public office in 2008. Not that much difference to me’ how about to you’

We couldn’t be any worse off., could we’

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