Einstein’s theory of luggage

Once again I have discovered another link between ordinary household items and the mysteries and marvels of the universe. After having read a current article concerning Einstein’s theories, I stand in awe of myself for being able to make these comparisons of such unrelated, yet highly technical and scientific phenomenon.

Without bothering you with a lot of detailed scientific data and jargon that many of you might not understand, let me just start off by telling you that Albert Einstein developed a lot of ‘theories’ concerning time and space. These are rather complex and much too complicated for me to explain to you in the brief time I have here today. Parts of these I have to admit are difficult for me to fully comprehend, but let’s move on.

Back in 1912, Einstein thought ‘the cosmological constant was a way to steady the universe. But if its repulsive effect, now called dark energy is big enough, it could also drive the acceleration.’ There you have it. Just as plain as it can be, isn’t it’ I could have diagnosed this matter well before now, except I had gotten cosmological constant confused with cosmetologists and consonants. I was researching Avon ladies learning foreign languages until a friend pointed out the error of my thinking.

Anyway, now that we’ve settled that and are back on track, I delved into Einstein’s theories a little more and found that as a result of the statement he made above, he was able to conclude that there were such things as black holes in the universe. I’m confused as to how he made this connection and will let you know when I find it. It may take a while. I’m still working on the Avon ladies taking French lessons concept. In the article, a black hole was described as being so dense; all of the automobiles in the world would be compressed into a mass the size of a thimble. Wow, just think how much that sucker would weigh. You’d need at least a couple of forklifts to move that thing around.

So, how do we make the transition from black holes to something ordinary in our everyday world’ Let me show you. On television, you often see a commercial for a travel bag made out of plastic that you can stuff clothes in and then hook it up to a vacuum to suck all of the air out. This allows the stuff you’re taking to be more compact (dense, as we in the scientific world call it) and take up less space. Thus, you are able to squeeze more things into your suitcase for your trip. Are you with me on this’

This, dear friends, is an example of the big bang or as they now call it, the big rip. Here you are with your allotted four suitcases, preparing to go on a well earned vacation and looking forward to a stress free, relaxing time with zero worries in the world. You purchase the aforesaid plastic containers and using your handy vacuum, you suck all of the air out of your clothing. Now you head to the airport. You notice that for some reason the baggage seems to be a bit heavier than your last rip, but you rack it up to the fact that you’ve given up on working out. You make a mental note to start doing so once you return. Your bags are now an example of Einstein’s black hole.

You arrive at your destination and are required to tip the bellhop an extra five bucks since he has to employ his cousin to assist him in carrying your baggage to your room. He tried putting it on one of those carts, but the wheels fell off. Still you press onward, not suspecting your world is about to drastically change.

Once you enter your room, you open up your luggage and start to stow your belongings into the dressers and closet. Once you unzip the bags, the genie escapes and therein is created the correlation between your baggage and the big bang Einstein was referring to. All of the sudden your room has somehow shrunken to one twin bed and your clothing, nothing else. This is the very basic building block of our entire universe. The explosion of a dense (your luggage) matter into galaxies and solar systems (your room).

Please take this example to heart. Do not compress your luggage in this manner without thinking one important thought….that thought is just this…”When I get there, will they have a vacuum’ ”

Otherwise you might have to buy five or six more bags just to take home what you brought with you. I would suspect this is the real reason for the constant expansion of the universe. I’ll follow up on this concept as soon as I figure out what the Avon ladies are doing.