I promise that this will be the last article I write about my youngest son getting married. Next week I’ll get back on the economy or taxation or crime or something that might be of more interest to you. In the meantime just bear with me, ok’

Over the past twenty five years or so, I’ve always tried to convey some words of wisdom to those young men who are about to be married. I have explained how to best avoid such topics as Would you remarry if something should happen to me (No, I would become a monk) ‘does this dress make my butt too large ( Is that someone at the door’ I’ll get it). ‘ Have you ever been sorry that you married me ( The thought has never crossed my mind even once).

My final words to him concern nine words and phrases that women use after you are married. These (like a display of temper) are seldom seen during the dating/engagement cycle. This is kind of like buying a surprise box.you don’t get to see the entire thing until after you’ve paid for it and taken it home. I would encourage you to cut this article out and save it for some young man who is a family member or a friend as it should save him a considerable amount of grief. I did not make this up, some kind person sent these to me, but I think they work for all of us married men.

NINE WORDS/PHRASES WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. (see #1)

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It! This never ends well.

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.) Note: this expression may be followed by ‘ Fine’ (see #1)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. This can vary in length from twenty four hours to several years. Do not mistake silence for acceptance.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’- that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome. that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying ‘ You can go to H_ _ __ as far as I’ m concerned.’

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

I’ m certain there are many more that I could write about, but I just don’t have the time this week. I’ m also aware that there are probably as many words/phrases that men use that women could discuss at a later date. Since I’ m an equal opportunity writer, if you can think of any, send them on. I’ll work up something that explains the ladies side of the story as well.