Queen Victoria is probably turning over in her grave, or tomb or whatever.

The current Queen Elizabeth has gone hi-tech. She now has a face book page and is on twitter. I’ m sure you’d want to know all about this, so I’d like to bring everyone up to date. Can’t afford to be left behind when important things are happening around the globe, can we’ I mean the economy is in ruins and we are in a state of war in a couple of places, but the daily activities of the Queen’ well, it doesn’t’ get much more important than that.

First off, before I get started’ as I have stated before, I notice the Queen always carries a purse wherever she goes. I have always wondered what she carries a purse for in the first place and since she does’ what’s in it’ Well, thanks to the miracles of the internet, the mystery has been solved. There are any number of sites which purport to have the inside information as to the Queen is carrying around. Here is the best list I could locate:

One thing that can always be found inside the Queen’s purse is an S-shaped metal meat hook that she can place on the edge of a piece of furniture and hang her purse on it. She never lets her purse sit on the floor. She always carries a metal make-up case given to her by Prince Philip as a wedding gift. She carries a collection of good luck charms, most of them gifts from her children, including dogs, horses, saddles, and horsewhips, reports the Daily Express, and photos of her children. She is never without her mints, chocolate drops for her corgi dogs, and a crossword or two snipped from the papers by her attendants.

Majesty magazine reports that the Queen carries a comb, a handkerchief, a small gold compact and a tube of lipstick in her handbag. On Sundays, she carries paper money to place in the collection plate at church.

You’d think she would write a check for the church collection, but then what do I know’someone might steal them every week and sell them on E-Bay.

Back to the Twitter story. The Queen’s every activity can now be followed if you so desire. Here is a random sampling of a few days’ events:

‘ On 28 Jul 11:00: Changing the Guard at Buckingham Palace – Starts at approx. 11am http://www.royal.gov.uk/G about 11 hours ago via Royal Household

‘ The State Rooms at Buckingham Palace and the special exhibition, The Queen’s Year, open today. Find out more http://bit.ly/9TzKKX about 12 hours ago via Royal Household

‘ On 28 Jul 11:00: Changing the Guard at Windsor Castle – Starts at approx. 11am http://www.royal.gov.uk/G about 12 hours ago via Royal Household

‘ On 28 Jul: The Duke of Gloucester – Grand Prior, the Order of St John, will attend the Steering Committee… http://www.royal.gov.uk/N about 13 hours ago via Royal Household

‘ On 27 Jul 11:00: Changing the Guard at Buckingham Palace – Starts at approx. 11am http://www.royal.gov.uk/G 5:16 AM Jul 26th via Royal Household

‘ View photographs specially commissioned for The Queen’s Year exhibition at Buckingham Palace on Flickr www.flickr.com/photos/britishmonarchy 4:39 AM Jul 26th via web

. On 27 Jul 11:00: Changing the Guard at Windsor Castle – Starts at approx. 11am http://www.royal.gov.uk/G 4:16 AM Jul 26th via Royal Household

Let’s see.the changing of the guard..wow’ how exciting. Oh, and some new photos at the palace. I can’t wait to see those. I’ m upset there isn’t anything about what she had for breakfast. ALL the really famous people write about breakfast. If you don’t believe me, check out Brad Pitt, he eats oatmeal and has prunes on Tuesdays. Madonna has yogurt and toast. Obama eats eggs and bacon. Michele doesn’t eat at all.

Actually I’ m just kidding about knowing what someone says on Twitter. I don’t have the time or the slightest interest in following some famous person around on my cell phone and reading about how bad the latte’ was at some late night coffee joint in LA’ or how difficult it was to park a rent car in New York City…get a life of your own.

In fact, they don’t even have to be famous. The way I figure it, if my friends want me to know what they’ re doing, they’ll call me and tell me. Keeping track of your 500 best friend’s daily lives compressed into 140 characters or less isn’t a habit I want to take up. I don’t have the time or the inclination for such. I’ m surprised the Queen does..but you can bet she isn’t the one typing out the tweets, is she’