Once the country gets out of the war mode and things get back to a sense of normalcy; I’d like for the Congress to impanel one of those congressional investigative hearings they seem to run at the drop of a hat.
This time I’d like to have our august congressmen and women look into the conspiracy behind the obvious oil cartels and the blooming plant industry. I believe it’s been going on for years.
Yes, friends I’m here to tell you that I believe I have uncovered more than you ever want to know about this obvious plot to undermine our national economy and my personal sanity. Just sit back and hear me out for a few moments while I explain.
All of us, no matter who we are or where we live…like flowers, don’t we’We buy them for our houses, apartments, offices, weekend places…. you name it and we’re buying them to brighten up our lives. We buy them for places we don’t even own. Look at where you work, how many of the folks around you have some sort of blooming plant stuck in their office’Nearly everyone. This is a giant industry.
Now, if you’re like me you go to some nursery or super hardware store and walk the aisles in search of that new and unusual plant to spice up either your home or office. These places have thousands upon thousands of plants. All in perfect condition, all blooming their little hearts out. You find it difficult to decide which ones to choose, they all look so beautiful. Some are stuck over in a corner and you think to yourself…”I like that one, I think I’ll buy it, and take it home where it’ll have some love and attention.” So, you make your way through the checkout lines, take your new purchase home and lovingly put it in a new pot, watering it carefully and adding some plant food. Then you set back and wait, just knowing in your heart that this new addition to your life is going to appreciate your efforts and just bud like crazy and then produce the most spectacular flowers for all to see and admire. Then you can kind of grin and shuffle your foot and say something profound like…”Ah, shucks, it wasn’t hard…”
Admit it, that’s what you want to happen…. but does it’No, of course not. Once you leave the confines of the store the plant or flower starts on a death spiral. Circling faster and faster towards a stage of complete and total wilt. In the space of about twenty-four hours your lovely beautiful plant or flower has managed to die before your very eyes in spite of all of your best efforts. Therefore what do you do’You stubbornly trudge back to the store and then what’Well you buy some more. Thinking all the time that the last ones were somehow defective and the new ones will do better. They’ll thank you this time.
Does this ever happen’
Not in your lifetime.
Which leads me to my new theory. After you have repeated this for the umpteenth time, you finally give up and do what’Yes, friends this is where you become the unwitting victim of the OPEC cartel. You swear off of real flowers and plants and you succumb to what’Yes, plastic ones that will never wilt or die.
Now, hold on …just a short way to go before I finish. What is the basic product that makes up plastic…you guessed it…oil, of course. So, the more plastic we want for the flowers that have died, the more oil we need and so on and so on. Those crafty OPEC members are smart, they know we’ll eventually give up trying to coax blooms out of flowers and plants that are probably genetically engineered to start dying after they leave the store. Big oil is big money. They want us to give up and buy plastic. I bet they started thinking about these years ago. This is not something I’ve made up. My friends all tell me they’ve had the same experience. Most of the stuff they buy in the stores dies soon after they bring it home.
How much more proof do we need’
I strongly think a congressional committee should look into this as soon as possible, don’t you’I mean, we’re wasting time. Those roses I bought just last week have given up the ghost this afternoon. This is a travesty being played out on all of us. We have rights. Don’t we’