It seems as if we have award program for just about every thing you can think of these days doesn’t it’We have so many movie and television awards I can’t keep track of them all. Every day the papers are full of photographs and gushing descriptions of all of these celebrities accepting some trophy of some kind.

Who knows all of these people’I don’t, most of them I’ve never heard of or would recognize if they walked into the room and said hello.

So much for that…

What I’d like to see would be an awards show for the good old American workers in various industries. You know, some kind of a trophy for the greatest plumber or electrician. Something along those lines.

I got to thinking about an awards program designated just for road crews. I think an annual award program for those guys would make a lot of sense and could be very entertaining. In my opinion it would go something like this:

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the 9th Annual Road Construction Hall of Fame Awards. Tonight we’re pleased to announce the winner of our Charles P. Rudabaker Traffic Cone Placement trophy. As you know, Mr. Rudabaker invented the first traffic cones in 1914, just months after the first automobiles started showing up on our nations highways and roadways. Mr. Rudabaker’s first road cone was made out of concrete and had a short life, but was soon replaced with newer versions, which served their purpose. In an interview with Mr. Rudabaker, he stated that he never thought the road cone business would be so successful, since he had accidentally invented them one snowy afternoon in Buffalo, New York. If you’ll remember he made his first invention to divert road traffic around a vegetable garden he was plowing over. The state highway commissioner happened by and contracted with Mr. Rudabaker on the spot and the rest is history.

Well, enough of that. This year’s winner is Harvey Snidley of Basketville, Oklahoma. Mr. Snidley breaks his own record with his feat of laying out over seven miles of traffic road cones in advance of a stretch of roadwork of approximately 41 feet. Mr. Snidley effectively tied up the east side of a major interstate highway for over fifteen hours in one single cone laying operation. Traffic was reduced to one lane for these seven miles and the maximum speed attained during those fifteen hours by any vehicle was three and one half miles per hour. At times the traffic backup stretched for over fifteen miles. Mr. Snidley also deserves extra credit for his innovation in picking a stretch of highway, which had no on-off ramps thereby eliminating any persons from leaving the highway. Mr. Snidley is a credit to his profession and is represented tonight by his wife since he is recovering at a local hospital from a road rage attack last week. It seems he was trying to beat his own record again by going for the super bowl of cone laying and had gotten up at 3am one morning to lay out an all time high of ten miles of traffic cones. A group of retired city employees from Michigan driving RV’s became irate after crawling through almost eight and a half miles of cones without seeing any construction workers. They happened upon poor Harvey laying out the rest of his record-breaking spread and the story gets confusing at this point. Most of the RV drivers are out on bail awaiting trial and Mr. Snidley is expected to recover in a few weeks. I’m sure he would have loved to be with us, but we hope to see him next year.

Our next award goes to the foreman who supervises the most number of road workers but with the least number of men actually at work. This year’s winner is Marvin Fripps of Tucson, Arizona. Mr. Fripps achieved the unbelievable record of forty-five crewmen standing around, leaning on their shovels or sleeping in their trucks while one man was actually performing any construction work. This record-breaking event took place near Bosley, Colorado when Mr. Fripps and his crew were in the process of building a large sewer drainpipe across a major interstate highway. This event was widely publicized by several network news teams who were being held up by the almost dead to a stop traffic. Mr. Fripps explanation to the news reporters was that “It was his opinion that only one man was needed to perform any work at that point in time and he did not care to comment any further. Further more if the news teams wanted to move along then they had better do so since they were about to lay out more traffic cones which might delay their journey another four or five hours.”

Well, of course this isn’t real…but then again maybe it could be.