Depending
upon which section of the newspaper you
read on any given day, you’ll find that
the current estimate of the age of the
universe is somewhere between 14 and 16.5
billion years.
As I recall, several years ago, that
estimate was along the lines of some 4 or
5 billion years ago, seems they must have
found some new data that made them change
their minds. Of course, it could just be
some sort of mathematical error, perhaps a
misplaced decimal that could account for
this slight deviation.
In any event it constantly amazes me that
the numbers just keep climbing higher and
higher as the years go by. Before long, it
may come as no big shock to anyone that
the universe is close to a trillion years
old. Who really knows?
My point is to simply illustrate the fact
that we may never know any more about how
the whole thing got started in the first
place and where it all might end up. I’ve
always thought it’s simply too large of a
problem for any of us to comprehend. As in
when you got to the very end of space,
what’s on the other side? Or what was here
before anything else was?
Having said all of this… let me get to the
crux of this weeks column which is simply
that I believe the theory of evolution is
just pure bunk. No matter what science or
the stars tell us, I cannot believe that
we started out as some simple one celled
creatures who got flung up onto some muddy
shore and then started walking, cooking
and building computers after only a few
millions years.
If and I mean if, we were to have
developed along these lines, then it
occurs to me that we should have evolved
into just one species and one sex, not the
two that we presently have in our
inventory. It makes logical sense to me
that mankind (no offense to women) should
have just plodded along for millions of
years while developing the skills and
techniques necessary to reproduce and
survive by oneself rather than needing two
separate organisms. At what point in
history did nature decide that we needed
both a male and a female to survive? Why
not just one or the other?
Besides, if we are to truly believe in
evolution, then it would certainly seem to
me that the two sexes would be more alike
than they would be different. If we are to
believe that two species evolved over a
period of millions of years, then
shouldn’t they be more similar?
Here are two very good examples of this
element of being dissimilar.
Directions- We all know that men will not,
or can not stop and ask for directions. To
do so would admit that they are lost or at
least confused and don’t really know where
they are or which way to go. This is a
trait handed down for generations and is
in their genetic code. This code is as
difficult to break as it is to ask a male
to stop watching sports or belching after
they drink several beers. These are simple
rules of nature. Women on the other hand,
will stop every half mile to ask if they
are going in the right direction. They are
unable to comprehend the shame in this and
do so in complete innocence. An entire
industry of service station attendants has
been wiped out due to this practice.
Service station owners across the world
saw how much time giving directions to
damsels in distress cost them in terms of
lost productivity that they eliminated the
positions altogether and substituted one
person locked inside of a bulletproof
cubical. I can only guess that God has a
very big hand in this since he seemed to
condone this type of activity in the first
place by using Moses to lead the Nation of
Israel out of Egypt where they wandered
around for forty years. If God had
assigned the navigational duties to Moses’
wife, they would have made the promise
land in about two weeks.
Loading the dishwasher- this appliance has
probably causes more in home arguments
than any other labor saving device
invented. Men want to load that sucker up
with everything dirty. Isn’t it called a
DISH WASHER? In any order, regarding of
shape or size. We like to hide stuff, just
to see if it will come out clean. Women
have a mental aversion to random loading
and follow a plan that would do justice to
someone putting cargo on a ship or
airplane for the first time. A place for
everything and everything in its place.
Dish, dish, dish, saucer, saucer, saucer,
cup, cup, cup….knives, forks and spoons
all in order. Do not ever put a plastic
glass on the bottom shelf. Men want to
test the hardness of the plastic to see if
it can take the heat and still come out
looking like a drinking glass.
Now, while you’re sitting there laughing
at what I’ve just written, think back to
what I said earlier. How can two species
evolve at the same rate of maturity, but
with such completely different concepts of
common problems?
I bet there is some huge amount of grant
money to study this if I could just figure
out how to write the grant proposal.
I’d ask my wife, but then I’d have to
admit I don’t know how.
