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You’d think as old as I
am, I would be aware of
any hotel, travel package
that has the
words… Paradise and
resort in the same name.
But the old eternal
optimist in me seems to
forget these small details
and thus I stumble blindly
on into the night. As I
stand at the desk of this
place I am beginning to
have second doubts about
my choice for this mini
vacation. My first clue
should have been when the
lady at the desk asked me
where I parked my car. I
told her the lot across
the street and she
advised, ”Make certain you
lock it.” Then they lost
our reservation and we
waited for about
forty-five minutes in a
too large, too hot lobby
on plastic covered couches
covered with sand, while
they made calls to
reconfirm our room. Now, I
had in good conscience,
booked all of this stuff
through one of those online Internet travel
services you see
advertised on television
every night. You’d think
you’d be getting a deal on
airfare, car and hotel.
…Right? Wrong. While I’m
waiting, some bozo walks
up to the counter and
books a room for $25 per
night cheaper than what I
paid and he gets a view of
the beach. I ask where our
room is and what kind of a
view and am told, ”Yours
overlooks the parking
lot.” I’m thinking that
may not be so bad since I
can keep a better eye on
my rent car. It’s got to
get better.
Did I mention that I’m an
optimist? Well, I decide
to suck it up and take a
look since it can’t be
that bad. But,
unfortunately it just
keeps on going downhill
from there. Our room is
indeed overlooking the
parking lot. In fact the
entrance to the lot is
right outside our window,
not that I could see much
out of the window since it
didn’t look as if they had
been cleaned since the
war, of 1812. The room was
lovely, if you like sandy
shag carpet. The odor was
unmistakably mildew
scented with a hint of
mold. Lovely, just lovely.
The lady at the counter
was kind enough to give me
some tickets to the club
and, a free, get this…one
free cold beer. The only
bad part was that the
Greek karaoke club was
across the hall from our
room. They were
advertising the amateur
singing contest starting
at ten that evening. No
thank you…we left and made
other arrangements. So
much for Internet travel.
All’s well that ends well,
since we ended up spending
the weekend with some old
friends who took pity on
us and insisted that we
stay at their house. We
didn’t really want to do
so, since we don’t like to
impose, but it turned out
great and we did get in
some much needed sleep and
some reading.
This morning as I get back
into my office and start
sorting through my mail
and e-mail I find the
follows gems of wisdom. I
especially like the very
last one, since pretty
well sums up my best laid
plans.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE
CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard
you try, you can’t
baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad
at your Dad, don’t let
her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits
you, don’t hit her back.
They always catch the
second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year
old brother to hold a
tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs
to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when
someone is cutting your
hair.
7) Never hold a
Dust-Buster and a cat at
the same time.
8) You can’t hide a
piece of broccoli in a
glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot
underwear under white
shorts.
10) The best place to be
when you’re sad is
Grandpa’s lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS
HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is
like nailing Jell-O to a
tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like
fudge…mostly sweet, with
a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is
just yesterday’s nut that
held its ground.
5) Laughing is good
exercise. It’s like
jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you
choose your cereal for the
fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING
OLD
1) Growing up is
mandatory; growing old
is optional.
2) Forget the health food.
I need all the
preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you
wonder what else you can
do while you’re down
there.
4) You’re getting old when
you get the same sensation
from a rocking chair that
you once got from a roller
coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when
you know all the answers
but nobody bothers to ask
you the questions.
6) Time may be a great
healer, but it’s a lousy
beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age,
but sometimes age comes
alone.
Have a good week…
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