OK…kids….
what time is it?
Yea…. that’s right vacation
time….
This is the sound ringing out
all across our fair land for
the next several months.
Thus starts another year
honoring the ancient tradition
of vacationing in America.
Yes, friends this is where we
pack up the kids, car,
kitchen, bedroom, bathroom and
most of the garage along with
the family dog and two of our
cats and head out for a couple
of weeks of family fun and
memory making.
This time honored practice
actually can be traced back to
the pioneer days in this
country where men like Daniel
Boone and Lewis and Clark
actually started off trying to
get some rest and ended up
becoming American heroes and
legends. If you go back and
look, you’ll find that these
intrepid pioneers just wanted
to ‘get away for a few days’
to escape the pressure and
stress of living in pioneer
villages with out modern
conveniences such as toilets
and electric stoves. Of
course, they didn’t know about
electric stoves, but I’m sure
they knew about toilets. So,
they choose to boldly strike
out into the frontier where no
man has gone to get back in
communication with nature.
Some of these trips ended up
lasting far longer than they
originally intended which
created a considerable amount
of marital problems.
Daniel Boone’s wife was said
to be somewhat ticked after he
had taken off for a period of
three or four years leaving
her with their small army of
kids to raise alone. His
excuse, reportedly, was that “
I got turned around and
couldn’t find my way back and
there wasn’t anyone to ask
directions…” A likely story,
which, according to legend,
resulted in his wife hitting
over the head a number of
times with a shovel. From this
moment on he wore a coonskin
hat to cover his multiple
injuries. He was never able to
leave without the family in
tow again.
In the old days, even without
the internet, it didn’t take
long for the word to get
around that if your husband
took off by himself on some
sort of vacation or trip to
‘find himself’, he might just
never return. Look what
happened to those guys in the
South Pacific on the ship
called the ‘Bounty’. They
ignored Captain Blight’s
warnings and choose to just
have an extended vacation for
the rest of their lives. No,
once the word got out that
your husband was thinking
about heading out by himself
and leaving the missus to fend
off the savages and
mosquitoes, then it didn’t
take long for the true
American vacation to come into
existence. If the mountain
won’t come to Jane, then Jane
will go to the mountain, or
something like that.
Thus mankind came to accept
that long annual trips
included the packing and
transportation of the kids,
all live animals, enough
camping equipment to supply an
small detachment of Cavalry,
emergency food rations for a
month, compass, flashlights
for everyone, stoves,
lanterns, rope and at least 15
changes of clothing for each
family member. The
well-planned vacationing
family must also have a
complete first aid kit,
including a snakebite kit,
water treatment filter and
extra containers for gasoline.
Sporting materials such as
volleyballs, baseballs and
footballs are always a must
and have to be included in the
well-prepared family vacation
plans.
All of these items plus many
more that I have forgotten are
to be found in the attics of
our homes. Each year these are
pulled out from the attic and
piled out onto the driveway.
The entire family vehicle
begins to be loaded; certain
items are cast aside and
deemed “unneeded for this
year”. Since the wife, kids
and pets must be included,
along with adequate clothing,
the excess materials grow ever
larger with each passing year.
This leads the leader of the
family having to make several
difficult decisions. One,
where are they going and when
are they going to get there?
Two, what hotel will they stay
in once they arrive? Three,
does the hotel have a pool and
room service?
Obviously the leader of the
family wants to just put the
pedal to the metal and arrive
at their designated
destination as quickly as
possible, so he can relax by
the pool and compliment
himself on not having to set
up the tent again this year.
Often times, this results in
major historical and natural
sights being overlooked due to
the speed at which the family
vehicle is being driven. “Look
kids, on your right… Mount
Rushmore…we should be passing
through Yellowstone in another
ten hours. It might be dark
when we get there, but you can
still see the trees from the
highway. Honey, how was I to
know the San Diego zoo would
be closed at midnight?”
These small insignificant
oversights result in the
continuation of this family
event for generations to come.
Since you missed these sights
as a small child, you cannot
wait to relive these
experiences as an adult when
you have children of your
own. Then you drive just as
fast as your father did, which
results in your children
having to return once they get
grown and have children of
their own. The cycle of life
is wonderful, isn’t it?
