Once
the country gets out of the war
mode and things get back to a
sense of normalcy; I’d like for
the Congress to impanel one of
those congressional
investigative hearings they seem
to run at the drop of a hat.
This time I’d like to have our
august congressmen and women
look into the conspiracy behind
the obvious oil cartels and the
blooming plant industry. I
believe it’s been going on for
years.
Yes, friends I’m here to tell
you that I believe I have
uncovered more than you ever
want to know about this obvious
plot to undermine our national
economy and my personal sanity.
Just sit back and hear me out
for a few moments while I
explain.
All of us, no matter who we are
or where we live…like flowers,
don’t we? We buy them for our
houses, apartments, offices,
weekend places…. you name it and
we’re buying them to brighten up
our lives. We buy them for
places we don’t even own. Look
at where you work, how many of
the folks around you have some
sort of blooming plant stuck in
their office? Nearly everyone.
This is a giant industry.
Now, if you’re like me you go to
some nursery or super hardware
store and walk the aisles in
search of that new and unusual
plant to spice up either your
home or office. These places
have thousands upon thousands of
plants. All in perfect
condition, all blooming their
little hearts out. You find it
difficult to decide which ones
to choose, they all look so
beautiful. Some are stuck over
in a corner and you think to
yourself…”I like that one, I
think I’ll buy it, and take it
home where it’ll have some love
and attention.” So, you make
your way through the checkout
lines, take your new purchase
home and lovingly put it in a
new pot, watering it carefully
and adding some plant food. Then
you set back and wait, just
knowing in your heart that this
new addition to your life is
going to appreciate your efforts
and just bud like crazy and then
produce the most spectacular
flowers for all to see and
admire. Then you can kind of
grin and shuffle your foot and
say something profound like…”Ah,
shucks, it wasn’t hard…”
Admit it, that’s what you want
to happen…. but does it? No, of
course not. Once you leave the
confines of the store the plant
or flower starts on a death
spiral. Circling faster and
faster towards a stage of
complete and total wilt. In the
space of about twenty-four hours
your lovely beautiful plant or
flower has managed to die
before your very eyes in spite
of all of your best efforts.
Therefore what do you do? You
stubbornly trudge back to the
store and then what? Well you
buy some more. Thinking all the
time that the last ones were
somehow defective and the new
ones will do better. They’ll
thank you this time.
Does this ever happen?
Not in your lifetime.
Which leads me to my new theory.
After you have repeated this for
the umpteenth time, you finally
give up and do what? Yes,
friends this is where you become
the unwitting victim of the OPEC
cartel. You swear off of real
flowers and plants and you
succumb to what? Yes, plastic
ones that will never wilt or
die.
Now, hold on …just a short way
to go before I finish. What is
the basic product that makes up
plastic…you guessed it…oil, of
course. So, the more plastic we
want for the flowers that have
died, the more oil we need and
so on and so on. Those crafty
OPEC members are smart, they
know we’ll eventually give up
trying to coax blooms out of
flowers and plants that are
probably genetically engineered
to start dying after they leave
the store. Big oil is big money.
They want us to give up and buy
plastic. I bet they started
thinking about these years ago.
This is not something I’ve made
up. My friends all tell me
they’ve had the same experience.
Most of the stuff they buy in
the stores dies soon after they
bring it home.
How much more proof do we need?
I strongly think a congressional
committee should look into this
as soon as possible, don’t you?
I mean, we’re wasting time.
Those roses I bought just last
week have given up the ghost
this afternoon. This is a
travesty being played out on all
of us. We have rights. Don’t we?
