Years
ago, I remember something called ‘
Murphy’s Law’. As I recall, it
followed the axiom that if
anything could go wrong, it would.
You used to see things in the
paper about something happening
and the woefully gone wrong
outcome was attributed to
‘Murphy’s Law’. It’s been years
since I’ve seen or heard anyone
complain about something going
wrong and using this as a reason.
Well, this past week all of these
years must have decided to catch
up with me at once. It was a week
like none I have experienced for
many years. I’ll give you a recap.
First of all, this time of the
year little black gnats or
something like these erupt in
force and fly around my office.
You can hardly see they, but they
are there and are annoying to say
the least. You look like you might
be mentally unbalanced when you
try to grab one in front of some
visitor who has no idea what
you’re trying to do. I’ve tried
everything to get rid of them, to
no avail. Finally in desperation I
decided to get one of those bug
bombs at the store and set it off
when I left for lunch. I thought
just closing my door would keep
the fumes from scattering
throughout the rest of the office.
Sadly I had forgotten that the
air-conditioning units circulate
around the entire office and
quickly spread the toxic chemicals
into every office we have. As a
result everyone got a free
afternoon and went home early. No
long-term effects were recorded,
at least as of this date. Murphy’s
Law in effect.
The next day I come to work
expecting to get a lot done since
I had a short day the day before.
Alas, it was not to happen.
Several days before I had placed
an ad in the help wanted section
of our local paper for a job
opening for a payroll clerk.
Usually I just have anyone
interested to mail me a resume and
then I can look it over and see if
we want to set up an interview.
This time I included my fax number
and my e-mail address for good
measure. The fax has not stopped
for the past several days and I
have over 350 e-mails from
prospective applicants. There
isn’t any way possible to look
them over and give each one the
time they deserve. The more I
tried to respond and advise each
applicant of the job requirements,
the more confusing it got. Those
who e-mailed, started sending
faxes and those who had faxed
started sending e-mails back to
me. At the end of the day I
probably had over 400 different
pieces of paper floating around my
desk…Murphy’s Law.
I went home hoping that things
would get better but as you well
know, when it rains it pours. My
wife and I had bought a couple of
metal gadgets to put over some of
our smaller trees to keep the deer
from eating them down to the
ground. These metal things have
sharp points at the base. Since
they were in my driveway, I
decided that it made sense to
stand them up in the yard so no
one would drive over them. So,
like a good little trooper, I
slammed one into the ground
without thinking about the
sprinkler system. Now you would
think that the odds of hitting a
small plastic water pipe going to
the sprinklers on a piece of
property over one acre in size
would be rather remote, wouldn’t
you? But, no ….I hit one dead in
the middle… causing a veritable
geyser to gush over 20 feet tall.
Spreading dirt, mud grass and
whatever all over my new suit and
me. Having nothing further to lose
I am then down on my knees by the
box that holds the water cut off
valve trying to shut the water
off. The box is full of little
frogs that keep getting in my way
each time I try to turn the valve
handle. Finally I get the water
turned off; the frogs rescued and
walk to the back porch looking
like the creature from the black
lagoon. I decide to strip off my
clothes and leave them at the back
door so I wouldn’t track mud and
dirt into the house. I no sooner
get undressed and headed up the
stairs then I see the Federal
Express lady headed for the front
door with a package I have been
waiting on for several days. Since
I can’t very well open the door in
my present condition I run into my
closet, grab a robe, trip over it
and fall down busting my lip, then
run downstairs to try and stop her
before she can leave but without
success. I manage to run down the
driveway in my bathrobe looking
like some mad man shouting to the
rapidly disappearing delivery
driver. Murphy’s Law at work
again.
I slowly make my way into the
house, trudge upstairs and take a
long hot bath. Stuff my filthy
suit into a garbage bag to take to
the cleaners, call the sprinkler
repair people, drink a big glass
of wine and call my office to tell
them I’m not coming in the next
day. I’ve had it. It’s a wise man
who knows when he’s licked.
