The
best argument I can think of for my opposition to
the theory of evolution is the difference between
the male and female sex.
If we are to believe that both sexes crawled out
of the primordial soup billions of years ago, then
how come there are two separate and distinct
species, one male and one female? Seems to me we’d
be the same and would have evolved as the same,
not two separate and distinct beings.
And we are separate and distinct.
Last week I wrote about the odd things that happen
to women when they are about to have a baby or are
in the company of a new baby. These traits are
definitely female oriented. Men need to study
these and pay particular attention in order to
preserve the domestic tranquility of his home if
he knows what’s good for him. I think that phrase
is in the Constitution, if I’m not mistaken.
Women on the other hand, need to also recognize
that men have particularities that might seem
strange to the female line of reasoning, but are
not questionable to any male.
For example, women will save every item that
belongs to her children. From the wristband at the
hospital to the first Mothers Day card and
everything in between. Women are the primary
reason for self storage lockers. Not there is
anything wrong with this, since everyone knows you
might need that progress report from Mrs. Wankels
Kindergarten class when your child is running for
President fifty years from now. These things are
important to mothers. They aren’t to fathers.
No, Fathers can look at a birthday card, Fathers
Day card or whatever and toss it the next day
without reservation. He knows he’ll get another
one next year. Same thing with toys. Mothers will
hide their children’s toys for generations and
Fathers can decide to clean out the attic one
weekend and out goes everything little Johnny
played with for the first seven years of his life.
The only reason we have antiques today is due
mainly to the preservation of items by dominant
women. “That table is staying; it belonged to my
grandmother…” “But it’s old”….”Yes..it is and it’s
going to get older…”
Men would have thrown those old things away years
ago. Look at the scarcity of items from
prehistoric days. This was in the time frame
before storage units were invented. Men just
tossed everything away when they got tired of them
or needed the room.
With the exception of one thing…tools.
You go to any museum in the world today and you
will most likely find tools from ancient times
being displayed. Not toys, not baby clothes, not
greeting cards, but tools.
Men have defied logic for thousands of years and
kept tools which have survived the ice age, the
industrial age and the rock and roll era as well.
Men can throw everything else away except for a
tool. I have chisels that I have owned for over
forty years that have never been used. Who
chisels? What could I chisel in my house? Nothing
that I can think of. Nothing even comes to mind.
I have hundreds of perfectly good Allen wrenches.
When is the last time I needed one of those?
Couldn’t tell you. But I’ve got them in case I
need them. Most garages in this country have not
one, but two sets of tools. Men have the set the
kids can use, and then the set they hide, to be
used for ‘special’ occasions. Women might set that
scarf or dress aside with the explanation that she
is ‘saving’ it for some special event in the
future. Men will live in a condo unit in downtown
Manhattan and buy a chain saw. For what? Do they
think a forest is going to break out on 42nd
Street? Will they be required to saw their way out
of the building at some point in time? Women
should take note here that these things are not to
be questioned; it’s just something you must live
with and that cannot be explained in logical
terms.
Come on now, you can admit it, you know you have
some metric sockets hidden away that you don’t
want your teen age son to find. You’re saving
those aren’t you? A missing tool is the same to a
man as a mutiny is to a sea captain. Men will have
at the most four or five pair of shoes, but
seventeen Phillips head screwdrivers. You can
never have enough Phillips head screwdrivers. A
good Phillips head screwdriver is hard to find.
Men buy tools to be used for projects they will
never in this lifetime complete or are qualified
to even contemplate. I know accountants who have
enough tools in their garage to overhaul complete
engines and these men can’t open the hoods on
their cars, but they have the tools to do a
complete valve job if they are ever called upon to
do so. I suppose it has something to do with
thinking we are in control and might, just might
be called upon to change some spark plugs or a
water pump. Into the Valley of Death rode the six
hundred, that sort of thing. We have it in our
minds that we must be prepared to give to God,
country and the family car.
One last word of advice to women. Tools and
sporting equipment such as fishing and hunting
gear are the key connectors to men and their
concept of mortality. Once you throw away his
baseball glove that hasn’t been used in thirty
years or clean the garage and sell off those old
tools he never uses, you might as well stick a
fork in him.
He’s done.
