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 Every
year about this time I wander into the local bookstore and
purchase a new copy of the latest world almanac. This has become
part of my annual routine for at least the past twenty years or
so. I think I originally started buying a copy to conserve on
argument time. You know what I mean. You and your significant
other are ensconced on the couches watching some old “B” grade
movie and it dawns on you that you haven’t heard anything about
one of the leading actors in some time. “I think he (she) died
last year,” she says. “I don’t think so,” I say. This can lead
to a lot of lost time and won’t result in anything. But if you
have a trusty almanac, you can always haul it out and
declare…”Ah Ha…told you so…he (she) died in 1990.” Of course if
he (she) happens to still be alive you can always exclaim that
they “Must be older than dirt.”
Having obtained the almanac for this purpose, I have had
occasion to just browse through it from time to time when there
isn’t anything else in the house to read or watch on the old
boob tube. It generally makes for a fairly good read. One of the
more amusing sections I ran across the other day was a listing
of all of the various associations in this country. Ever look at
that?
In the current edition, there are over 10 pages of associations
in this country. I don’t think this is a complete list, as I
seem to recall another source from years ago that had many more
pages than this one. Maybe these are just the largest ones. Who
knows? Anyway, one of the first ones to catch my eye is the
Bald-headed Men of America Association. Their purpose is
probably fairly clear, either grow hair of promote bald is
beautiful. I wonder if you have to be completely bald to be a
voting member or just semi-bald like I am? Then, we have the
Blueberry Association. I’m not certain what they could meet and
discuss, but if they have pies at each meeting, then I’d
probably be interested in visiting. The next one I picked up on
was the “National Fat Acceptance Society” They might not want to
attend any of the meetings with the Blueberry folks. How about
the “International Jugglers Association”? Probably discuss
various techniques and tricks of the trade along with new items
to toss up in the air. Maybe get your own set of monogrammed
stuff or whatever they call it.
Here’s one to watch out for….the “American Association for Nude
Recreation.” I’ll bet their annual convention is something to
see, (ha, ha…get it? Something to see..) especially if they hold
it in Las Vegas. When these people say…”Good to see you
again…” or “Hey, you’re looking good…” …they really mean it. How
about the “Procrastinators Club of America”? I called them to
ask when their next reunion was going to be held and they told
me they hadn’t made up their mind…. the last one was in 1978.
There is a “Table Tennis Association”. They give advice on how
to improve your game. One for the “Titanic Historical Society”.
There is another one called the “Institute of Totally Useless
Skills Association”. Now this kind of interests me…what do these
folks get together and discuss? I need to find out more about
this one. Most likely I have something to offer this group. If
you are into discovering UFO’s, then you have your choice of
several fine groups to link up with. Some of the addresses don’t
seem to be anyplace I’ve ever heard of…where is the Planet
Zerxon anyway? Well enough of this trivia…..I’ve just found the
address for the “American Society of World’s Fair Collectors.” I
need to drop them a line or two and find out how people go about
collecting world’s fairs. I always thought those things were
fairly massive and couldn’t be moved. Maybe they’ll tell me more
about it when I call. Yeah, right.
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Copyright © 1998 – 2003 Peary Perry All Rights Reserved
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