If
you have been a reader of these columns for any length of time,
you will notice that I am always looking for the positive side of
things in this life. I am not one to dwell upon the negative as I
go continue on my earthly journey. The past few weeks we have all
seen countless articles, newscasts whatever on the increasing
trend for the airlines to charge extra for those folks who are too
big to fit into one seat. Now, I’d first like to say that I fly
quite a lot and don’t think I’m obese, but to fit comfortably into
the current airline seats you’d have to be either a anemic 11 year
old kid or a emaciated runway model. I’m not crazy, but the seats
have gotten smaller as well as the space between the aisles over
what it was maybe 15 years ago.
In today’s airlines, you have to practically be a contortionist
to eat anything they hand out and then an Olympic athletic to try
to get from the middle seat over to the aisle and to the bathroom
without stepping on someone at some time. I’d like to get a look
at the people who make their living designing the interiors of
airlines. While I’d like to spend the rest of this column talking
about the airlines, I’ve strayed from my real mission, which is to
look for the positive side of obese Americans.
Now, the figures that I’ve seen suggest that we have a population
of some 250,000,000 folks in this country. The last statement I’ve
seen recently tells me that 59% of those are overweight and 27% of
those are obese. According to my calculations 147,000,000 of us fall
into the overweight category and 27% of that number comes out to
some 39,000,000 obese (fat) people. Bear with me here. If you
watched the recent Lennox Lewis and Tyson fight, you may have
noticed that for the first time (at least first time I noticed it)
the fighters were wearing advertising on their bodies. Now this may
not mean anything to some folks… but for me, I smell opportunity in
a big (oops!) way. I mean this could really be huge…..Ok, it could
be become another giant commercial opportunity. Seriously, take
those 39,000,000 overweight people and I’ll bet there is at least 4
square feet of available space for advertising on them in one place
or another. Arms, backs, calves, necks…use your imagination and
you’ll be able to add a few I’m certain. If we’d only use people in
bathing suits, it increases the area by a giant margin.
Anyway, take those 4 square feet and multiply by 40,000,000 and
you get 160,000,000 square feet or something like 17,000,000 square
yards. Don’t call me or e-mail me if this isn’t right, this is a
humorous column not a scientific one. Then we have something to
sell. I’d bet there are advertisers standing in line looking for new
places to hawk their wares. I can envision people making a living
off of using their bodies as billboards. This seems like a great
opportunity for lots of people. I see this as a good thing which
could be used to build self esteem and allow our society to get
unfocused on this ‘thin is good’ concept. Suppose you have, let’s
say a walking billboard for OREOS, who makes $250,000 a year just
doing promotions at sporting events or concerts.
Haven’t we improved their lives by allowing them to have a better
lifestyle by using their appearance as a positive thing instead of a
negative one? Of course, we have. It would open up an entire new
world for millions upon millions of people. They’d be celebrities.
They’d be on TV. They’d be in People Magazine. They could walk in
the sunshine with their head and chins held high knowing they were
involved with an integral part of American commerce. Body
advertising…a concept whose time has come. It’s here, it’s now, it’s
happening. These people will need an agent. You can reach me at my
e-mail address. I am available to help you…call now, operators are
standing by to take your call and get you started today. Don’t
delay. This offer may not be repeated.
