Having
just spent the last four days traveling throughout multiple
airports, I had an opportunity to once again observe another of
the fundamental differences, which occur naturally between the
male and female human beings. One only has to sit inside of any
airport terminal in this country for an hour or so to substantiate
what I am about to discuss. The way men pack luggage and the way
women pack luggage. In today’s security conscience environment,
packing luggage has been changed to an art form in order to comply
with the airlines rules of one carry on bag and one personal item.
Before I get in this discussion, let me ask you to think back in
our history to say, the old west. Now, in every western movie you
have ever seen, the stagecoach always has a collection of trunks
and boxes on the rear of the coach and on top of the coach. Never
have you ever seen any male passenger disembark from a stagecoach
and say to the driver…”Pardon me sir, but that’s my trunk up on
top, could you hand it down?” Nope, they might, I say they might
have a sort of carry on bag of some sort, but nothing that would
indicate any major traveling items or extensive wardrobe. The
trunks all belong to the women passengers. Think back, all of the
gunslingers and cowboys that rode horses, what’d they have on the
back of the saddle? Saddlebags, of course. Probably room in there
for come grub (coffee and jerky) extra bullets, and raingear and
maybe a shirt or something.
Perhaps a picture of Mom or the girl he left behind. I’ve never
seen a trunk on the back of a horse. These men traveled light. The
same holds true for any flight of today. The average overhead bin
in the modern airplane can hold three medium bags or one ladies
bag and one men’s shaving kit (small). Women have now resorted to
using all of the unused space in men’s luggage for things they can
no longer pack into their own. It is very common today to see a
man open his bag for security inspection and find a set of hair
curlers or a bag of makeup. This is usually, but not always a sign
that this male is traveling with a female on this trip. Perish the
thought that he might, just might want to use that extra space for
his own personal stuff. Not going to happen. Women feel that
baggage is designed to be packed completely full at all times
otherwise you aren’t getting your monies worth.
The airlines could probably give us a 15-20% reduction in our
fares if they would require you to use all of the clothes you are
bringing on board. Women have gotten savvy about the bag size
limitations, so they are now making women’s luggage out of Teflon,
tungsten or Kevlar…. you can’t get them any larger, but they can
hold a lot more and are 10 times stronger than they were 5 years
ago. It isn’t uncommon to see some lady arriving at the airport
and her poor husband wheels in her carryon bag to the gate on a
forklift. After she boards the plane, she stands in the aisle
giving out her best impression of “Damsel in distress” until some
idiotic alpha male stands up and looks around with a goofy grin
and says something brilliant like…”Need a hand, little lady?” Then
he proceeds to attempt a one-handed jerk and lift to get the thing
into the overhead. Not one to admit that her bag weighs more than
he does, he valiantly breaks out in a cold sweat, grunts a couple
of times and finally succeeding in swinging it into place. Now,
notice that the aforesaid alpha male does not, I say does not
offer to get the bag out of the overhead when they arrive at their
destination.
No, he is too busy trying to think of how to get to the nearest
hospital to get checked out for the hernia he has just created.
Now, at this point some other duffus steps up and yanks the cursed
thing out and wrestles it to the floor. Then look at him as he
smiles at the poor damsel while waiting for his reward. All he
wants is some form of recognition for his achievement, but what
does he get? A smile, a kiss, a thank you, a pat on the back, even
a “that’s a good boy.”…But no…nothing, except maybe a quietly
spoken…”You didn’t scuff it did you?” Next week…. women’s purses
and men’s wallets…don’t miss it…
