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 You
would think you’d know someone after you’ve lived with them as long
as I have with my wife. Especially where it comes to the wanton
disregard for small, furry animals, which are incapable of
protecting themselves. In this case it’s a battle of the sexes over
what to do about the squirrels in our attic. Now, for the past
couple of months we’ve had this problem with some of the critters
that had figured out how to get in out of the heat or cold and build
a nice cozy apartment in our unoccupied attic space. I suppose they
figured since no one was living there, it was all right for them to
move in and take up residence. This has led to us looking for
someone to come out and trap these unwanted visitors and move them
to their future home, wherever that might be. The first company we
contacted was named something like…”Squirrel –busters” or
something similar. We sent them away when they arrived and didn’t
have a ladder.
The next guys came and managed to trap the two intruders within a
week or so. After this we thought we were safe and rodent free when
the next group moved in. Apparently squirrels are very territorial
and the first two had managed to defend their property against
invaders for as long as they were here. After the first two are gone
then we had four newbies to contend with. Someone must have posted a
‘vacant’ sign in the trees. As far as I was concerned, my attitude
is ‘live and let live’ since they were probably here before this
place was built. I often use this same argument when it comes to
killing spiders as well, but my wife is a demon with a rolled up
newspaper or a house shoe. So much for nature.
Anyway, my ‘live and let live’ argument wasn’t getting too much
opposition until I walked in the other afternoon and heard something
fall over in the den. Thinking it might be a picture frame I walked
into the den to see what it was and was confronted by a very
distraught and angry squirrel who immediately took refuge in one of
our pot plants. I closed off the den, ran and got my wife and we
proceeded to try and ‘herd’ this vicious creature into a large
cardboard box. Now, if you have never tried to corral a living,
breathing, mad wild squirrel into a box in your den, then may I
suggest that you don’t.
First of all, if I had had the presence of mind to make a video of
this entire escapade, I would be a very rich man. Each time I’d move
a piece of furniture, the squirrel would run to the other side of
the room and if this was anywhere in conjunction to where my wife
was standing, she’d drop the box and scream which would start me
laughing and the squirrel would run over to another part of the room
and we’d start the process all over again. Naturally something as
simple as opening the windows didn’t work since they had been
painted shut long ago. After about an hour of this I called for a
time out and ran across the street to a neighbor to get his dip net.
He came over to help and was concerned as to whether we had any
thick gloves since he was certain squirrels were prone to biting.
The fact that he was barefooted didn’t seem to bother him so I let
it go without comment. However I was concerned over his logic. By
this time one of our other neighbors has arrived and the four of us
got to work trapping the wild beastie with the dip net. My wife
succeeded after several attempts by the rest of us. We turned the
dazed creature loose on the lawn and he ran off while looking back
at us with what I would call the squirrel version of a nasty look.
My wife choose this opportunity to advise that this was the end of
the “Save the Squirrels” campaign and they were going, one way or
another. I mounted a vigorous protest by pointing out that they were
poor defenseless creatures just looking for a home. But this was to
no avail. I even tried to incorporate the tactic that we were doing
to the squirrels what we did to the Native Indians, since this was
their land before we got here. My arguments about urban sprawl fell
upon deaf ears. Not only have we fixed the roof, cut the trees back
so they can’t jump onto the roof any more, but we have trapped the
last of these small brown renegades and had them transported off to
someone called “The Squirrel Lady”. That brings a frightening
picture to your mind doesn’t it? When I tried to point out that I
didn’t believe any such person existed and that the squirrels might
not get a good home, she shrugged her shoulders, looked at me with a
steely eye and say…”So what?” After all these years I have learned
when to leave well enough alone and let this one go. Someone very
wise once said something like…”A wise man knows how to pick his
battles.” I’ll sit this one out.
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