|
By
this time next week, the elections will be over and throughout the
country thousands of campaign workers will be out of jobs. Some will
go on to serve in some function or another if their candidate
manages to get elected. There is, however, one campaign worker
category, which will never be carried forward as a part of any sane
administration. I am referring of course to the mudslinger. As a bit
of history, I should like to tell you that the beginning of
political mudslinging did not originate in our country. No indeed.
The origin of this centuries old practice comes from merry old
England. In the 1500’s there was a great contest for control of the
crown. It came down to a choice between one Edward the Weasel and
his cousin Charles the Stupid.
In the days before Internet and USA
Today, news was distributed by way of persons known as town criers.
Edward the Weasel, being a little more politically savvy than his
cousin managed to hire the services of one Lawrence Mud ‘Racquer, of
Paris. Larry, or Mud, as his friends knew him had escaped to England
to avoid the coming French Revolution. His timing was somewhat off
since the event failed to occur for another 200 or so years. Anyway,
Larry managed to make the acquaintance of Edward by his prodigious
skills as a topiary sculpture artist. Once he was accepted by
Edward, he then convinced him that he could take control of the
entire realm by effectively spreading the word that someone named
Stupid would be a worse King than someone named Weasel.
Now, remember what I said about the
Internet. Not only was that not available for general use, but
neither was spell check and the dictionary. So, most people tended
to believe what they heard from the town crier or read in the
newspaper, which was published at least once a year. Larry convinced
Edward to give him a campaign budget of 50 gold sovereigns, some
turtledoves, some lords a’ leaping and a partridge in a pear tree.
This story was the beginning of another fable you may have heard
about. Anyway, Larry went on to bribe the town criers with the first
use of misinformation stating that the word ‘Weasel’ actually was
from a Latin word in the Bible meaning “Brilliant, wise, loyal and
clean”. The thought that anyone would actually lie about something
concerning the Bible had never occurred to anyone before this time.
Since then the practice has been used on
a regular basis anytime a political campaign is being waged. Well,
as you might well guess, Edward won the right to take control of the
land and Charles the Stupid was banished to the new world…i.e.
America. After Edward took over he had Larry bound in some sort of
hair shirt then shipped off to Plymouth Rock to keep him quiet about
the whole affair. Once Larry arrived he made amends with Charles and
suggested he change his name to Charles, the Rock A’Feller. Charles
eventually became very rich and set Larry up with the first
political public relations firm in the country. One of his first big
wins was to get John Smith elected to the town council in spite of
his relationship with the Indian maiden named Pocahontas. Larry was
the first to use the race card in any election in this country by
telling everyone that John Smith’s opponent was a bigot and hated
Native Americans. He even went so far as to fabricate the story that
this corrupt candidate had actually fathered several Indian children
by an illicit affair. Since DNA tests were a few years off, this
could not be disproved and Smith went on to win the election by a
landslide of 32 to5.
The term Mud Raker has evolved from
Lawrence ‘Racquer and has been used in political campaigns in this
country since the election of John Smith. The political campaigns of
today are brutal and as treacherous as they were 400 years ago. The
false information, innuendoes, lies and gossip are just as bizarre
as they were back in those days. I happen to be holding a copy of
today’s newspaper where it states one of our candidates in next
weeks election is really an alien from Saturn. I am shocked by this
blatant and obvious piece of false information put out just to sway
the voters. How could any intelligent person be expected to believe
anything so crazy? I was under the impression this guy was really
from Mars.
|
