Well
after all of these years I think I have finally hit the mother
lode. As you are probably aware I started writing a series of
articles a few weeks ago about the differences between men and
women. In the past 15 years the only articles that I have written
which have provoked as many comments were those that were about
dogs and cats. If there is any connection between these two
subjects I can’t find it. Anyway, here is the third article
concerning what I’ve begun to refer to as the ‘death’ questions
that invariably arise in male/female relationships.
This week’s subject isn’t so much about a
question per se, but more along the lines of the way that some
things are said. The word I’d like to discuss this week is just
one word, very simple. The word is…’maybe’. Now, at first glance
you wouldn’t think this would create any big controversy would
you? Well, just think about this for a moment.
If I as a man say to some other man…”Hey,
maybe this weekend you and I might go fishing.” Or they might tell
one another….”I’ll check and get back to you, but MAYBE we’ll go
check out the car show on Saturday. Now, listen up here because
this is very important. Men know, got that? They KNOW that the
word MAYBE means there is about a 50-50% chance that whatever it
is they have discussed will actually happen. That’s what the word
MAYBE means. Maybe means just that, maybe. It means the same thing
as perhaps, might, could happen or others that indicate the
possibility of something happening at some time or another.
Nowhere in this word should there be any
inferences of certainty, only the concept of, get this,
POSSIBILITY. Now, men understand this concept, they know that
MAYBE means it might happen or it might not happen. They have no
problem with this idea. Now, let’s look at the way women interpret
the word maybe. You tell your wife or significant other something
along the lines of ….”I’ll call you on the way home from work and
MAYBE we’ll go out to dinner tonight.” Now, men know this might
happen or it might not. Women consider this to be a 75-80% sure
thing. In fact if you aren’t home or on the phone by 7:32 pm, you
can count on hearing from her wanting to know where you are since
she’s dressed and waiting for you by the front door. Please let me
assure you it will do absolutely no good at all to try and explain
that what you said included the word MAYBE since this word doesn’t
seem to be recognized in the part of the female mind that
interprets what men say to them.
It’s almost as if some of the words that men
speak are the same as if the words were in Chinese or Russian.
They just have no correlation and cannot be understood by women.
In some cases the ratio of understanding ramps up as high as
90-95% depending upon what the subject matter happens to be.
For example if you say…”MAYBE we’ll go and
look at engagement rings.” Forget it, you’re sentenced to go no
matter what happens. You could be in a huge wreck and she’ll check
you out of the hospital before the jewelry store closes. These
women have gotten their assignment and are on a mission.
Now, let me also add that if a man says
something like…”Hey, honey do you think that MAYBE we could go to
the sporting goods show this weekend. I’d like to see the new bass
boats.” She will respond with the her version of the death words,
which are ..”We’ll see.”
Ask any man what those words mean and he’ll
tell you that “We’ll see” is the same as a definite ‘No.’ Why
women use this expression instead of just coming out and saying
what they mean which is …”Hell will freeze over before you catch
me at another sporting goods show.” Why can’t they just say no,
when they mean no? Women have another phase that means the same as
no and that’s .."We’ll talk about it later."
Trust me, if you are newly married or about
to be married, do not wait for ‘later’ to arrive because we will
have missile bases in China before ‘later ‘ever gets here. Forget
it and go on to something else. Save yourself a lot of grief and
stress. Call your buddy and tell him that maybe next weekend the
two of you might want to go to the sporting goods show. If he
says…”We’ll see” look for another friend; this one has been
captured by the other side.
