I recently started cataloging the articles that I have written
over these past 15 years. I thought this might help me to remember
what I have written so that I do not repeat myself on some subject
or another. It has been an interesting experience as well as being
more difficult than I would have imagined. First off, there are
over 700 articles to be classified into one category or another. I
have started putting these into major categories such as politics,
animals, travel and men/women. I have found that over these years
I have probably written more articles about men and women than any
other category.
This is not surprising to me
since I find the differences between the sexes to be very
fascinating. Even at my age, I still keep trying to understand
women and what makes them tick. I manage to learn something new
each day. Over the holidays, I had an occasion to ask a friend who
is much older than I am if he had ever gotten to the point where
he fully understood women. His answer was classic…he looked at me,
shook his head and said….”No, I haven’t, but then I haven’t met
them all.”
In continuing my current
series on what I call the ‘death questions’ that men always face
in any kind of male/female relationship, I would like to focus
upon descriptive adjectives to describe that woman in your life.
Now, trust me I have expended more time than normal in doing
research for this article by asking many women about what words
they would like men to use to describe their appearance. I can
tell you that without exception, the following words are never to
be used under any circumstances. …’fine’….’nice’ ….’Ok’.
Women do not want to be told
they look…’ok’. They do not want to be thought of as ..’fine’. One
friend of mine told me that after she had spent x amount dollars
on her wedding dress, her hair and all of the other stuff that
goes with getting married…her soon to be husband told her ..”You
look nice”. She even has it recorded on video for all time…and
still remembers it to this day in spite of the passage of many
years. I got the feeling from discussing this issue with her that
this incident is still a sort of permanent blot that may take 75
or 80 years to resolve. I also got the impression that she might
be saving this piece of evidence in case she ever murdered the
poor guy, then she would want to show it to the female jurors,
thus assuring her acquittal.
I was also given a piece of
what I consider sage advice from my daughter-in- law. While I was
going to great lengths to establish my defense on this matter, she
looked at me as if I was insane and simply told me that my first
mistake was in having to have someone ASK ME how they looked. I
should have made the compliment FIRST, before, I repeat BEFORE I
was asked. I sure could have used this piece of wisdom 40 years
ago.
In defense of my fellow man, I
must declare that I feel we (men) often lack the ability and
proper terminology to describe women in every situation. For
example, I happen to feel that the word ..’pretty’ is perfectly
adequate to be used in most situations. Gorgeous and ravishing are
not words that just roll off my tongue, not that they should not
be used, but I do not think of them very often. Does this make me
a bad person? I think I mean well, it is just that, like most men,
I’m somewhat emotionally illiterate and do not have the tools
available to make the proper responses in certain situations.
I have managed to obtain some
new words that are correct and much more acceptable than some of
those discussed above. Lovely and beautiful can be used at anytime
and are very good substitutes for ….’fine’ and ‘nice’. Pay
attention here, save these words since you will need them at a
later date. You might want to consider writing these on your
hands. I am thinking about having them tattooed on my palms.
Women of the world I ask you to consider that men do not get any
training for any of these things. We have to learn these
relationship traits by experience.
Look around and think back,
when we were 4-5 years old, you were playing with dolls and
learning how to do tea parties, we were pushing trucks in the
sandbox and playing war. Not exactly the best venue for
sensitivity training, is it? Give us a break, we mean well and we
can learn. Somehow, while I am typing this the thought comes to my
mind that men relate better to dogs and women to cats. Reward us
for good behavior and we will try harder. Why is my ear itching?
