If
you’ve been reading this column for any length of time, you might
have noticed there are several reoccurring themes that I seem to
talk about a lot. For example, at least once a year I always
manage to get in a column on voice mail, the government, stupid
people and the government. Did I mention stupid people in the
government?
Well, if I didn’t I meant to do so. Anyway
every so often someone will contact me and ask for a copy of
something I wrote sometime ago and I have to go and dig up
whatever it is they are looking for. In doing so I manage to run
across columns I’ve written in the past on subjects that I like to
pick on more than others. One of my favorite themes seems to be
the use of trash bags.
Now, I hope I can get off of this subject
before too long as I don’t want to be remembered as the man who
was always writing about trash bags. I’d prefer something with a
little more class, such as my many heavy, philosophical
discussions on the effects of poverty on third world countries and
how to solve this issue. I’d be just as happy if I’m only
remembered for my well received treatise on the evaluations of
M-2 money supply as relating to inflation and future national
growth. However, I do tend to take a jocular view every so often
when it comes to discussing trash bags.
Now, this area tends to always separate the
women from the men. Women tend to buy the heaviest thickness that
they can possibly buy without going into some industrial supply
store. The mil thickness of the bags that women always go for is
approaching the thickness found on some current automobile
bumpers. Women like thick, durable trash bags. It isn’t unusual to
find my wife coming in with a box of bags that have 3 to the box.
Big box and only 3 bags. Men on the other hand are diametrically
opposed on this matter. Men go for 500 bags to a box. The more the
bags they can get for the money the better off they are.
I’ve bought bags that are torn open by the
wind. Maybe even by me breathing on them. Women want a bag that
can carry anything out to the street…..you can tell who packs the
garbage in the house by the bags sitting out for collection. Big
really heavy bags….yep, a woman packed these. The other big clue
is the number of bags out on the curb. Women look at it this
way…”If I can get it out there…..they will come.” No matter that
each individual bags weighs over 200 pounds and the poor trash
guys have to have the entire crew come to the back of the truck to
help lift it into the hopper.
Women are not concerned in the least about
these trivial points. Men, on the other hand have 30-40 bags
sitting out by the street. Since they tend to buy and use flimsy
bags that fall apart if they are filled with more than 3 pounds,
it always becomes necessary to use more to get the job done. My
wife and I have had this discussion for years and I have yet to
change her mind on this subject. I think men tend to be extra
frugal (cheap) when it comes to buying things they are going to
throw away. You can have this discussion about paper towels,
tissues and toilet paper and the vote will always remain the same.
Men don’t care if the toilet paper has
splinters. Men don’t care if it takes 15 paper towels to mop up a
glass of spilled milk. Men don’t like to spend good money for
stuff that’s going to be thrown away. They’d rather save it for
really important things like fishing tackle or a new big screen
television. I will admit one thing….my lightweight bags do tend to
somehow attract small animals like dogs, raccoons and possums.
After they get into our garbage I’ve found it spread over an area
bigger than the crash site of a commercial airliner. Especially
when we’ve had chicken and watermelon. I’ve found chicken bones
200 yards away from the impact zone. Paper towels can easily get
spread out to a radius of a ¼ mile or more. My wife’s bags never
get damaged even if they sit out there for a couple of weeks while
they wait for the garbage men to get out of the hospital
recovering from their hernia operations. Comments go to
www.pearyperry.com
