I
was sitting here thinking about what to write about when a friend
sent me some of the material that you’ll get to in a minute…..It
fit in nicely since my topic for this week was “computer word
translations- how good are they?’ I had just read about a
wonderful vacation spot in Italy called…”Sette’. I looked them up
on the net and found all of the information was in Italian. The
website had an automatic translator so I clicked on it to see what
this particular article was about…..this is what I got:
“When we ago
remember that ill-fated challenge of seven years, all we think
next to two cocktails that have ended in order to make to conclude
anzitempo l’avventura of Silvio to Chigi Palace: the mayoralties,
that they made the barricades on the reform of the pensions
launched from the minister of the Treasure Dynes, and Boxwoods
that the sgambetto made the premier.”
Say what? I
haven’t a clue as to what this means…what kind of a translation is
this? Now, having discovered that using a computer to translate
from Italian to English wasn’t perfected as of yet, I then
discovered that translating women’s language when it was spoken to
men was just about as confusing. To prove my case I am giving you
….”The Secrets of Women’s
Language: Keywords and their meaning.”
Fine:
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we
are
right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe
how a
woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
Five
minutes:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that
your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so
I feel
that it’s an even trade.
Nothing:
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to
turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually
signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word
"Fine".
Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows):
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over
"Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
Go Ahead (normal eyebrows):
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don’t care".
You
will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes,
followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five
Minutes"
when she cools off.
Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement
very
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are
an idiot
at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here
and arguing with you over "Nothing".
Soft Sigh:
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of
the
few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your
best bet
is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
Oh:
This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let
me
get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last
night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run; do not walk,
to the nearest
exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done
tossing your
clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for
at least 2
days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you
are caught in
a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get
raised eyebrows
"Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring
myself to
write about them.
That’s Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say
to a
man. "That’s Okay,” means that she wants to think long and
hard before
paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done.
"That’s
Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction
with a
raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when
she
has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big
trouble.
Please Do:
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the
chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have
for doing whatever
it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the
truth, so
be careful and you shouldn’t get a "That’s Okay".
Thanks:
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you’re welcome.
Thanks A Lot:
This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A
Lot"
when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have
hurt
her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud
Sigh". Be
careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she
will only tell
you "Nothing".
There you have
it…..I suggest that all men, young and old, married and single
copy these down and keep them close at hand so that when the need
arises you’ll be able to decipher what your better half really
meant. Think of this as a Women to Men translation dictionary.
I’ll keep adding to it as we go along. Have a good week…..Comments
go to www.pearyperry.com
