5 18 01

I
was reading something the other night that got me to thinking. You
probably know there was a tax on our telephone service that was
added to cover part of the cost of the Spanish American war. It
was just repealed last year. We’ve been paying for something
that was over nearly 100 years ago. Who kept up with that money
and where has it gone?  

Another article was explaining about government savings
bonds and the fact that there are still a large number of the old
ones from the Second World War still outstanding. They even have
some still out from the Civil War. Doesn’t anyone ever look at
this stuff to see if it’s still necessary? 
Well, I started checking into what departments of the
government still exist liability issues that may have ended years
ago. I was surprised to find that a little known agency called
….”Civil War Office Affairs” in Washington, D.C. I called
these folks and asked to speak to someone in charge…..

”Hello,
may I speak to the director?”

No
answer

I
talk louder…”May I speak to the director?”

No
answer

I
finally yell…”MAY I SPEAK TO THE DIRECTOR?”

A
very old sounding voice says…..”Which one?”

I
tell him I don’t care, but why do they have two directors?

He
tells me….”One for the Union and one for the
Confederates…which one you want?”

I
take my chances and choose to speak with him.

I
then ask him how old he is….

“I’m
101”

I
am amazed at his answer and repeat…”You say you’re 101?”

“That’s
right, we won.”

“No,
no, no, I didn’t say you won…I commented on your being 101.”

Seeing
that this conversation isn’t going anywhere I manage to find out
that these 2 old men have been working for the government all of
their adult lives finishing up the final touches on a war that
ended over 130 years ago. In the course of my long conversation I
find out that this department ran out of things to do many years
ago. From what I gathered, no one ever told them to close up this
office and go home. So they’re still there hard at work, or as
hard as they can be, given there isn’t very much going on. They
stopped having to manage the pensions of Civil War veterans long
years ago, since everyone has died off. 
These days are mainly spent cataloging recipes that have
been handed down from the veterans of this era.

“You
want our latest recipe for cornbread?”

“No
thanks, I have one I like…”

“How
about boiled beef?”

“I’ll
pass on that one as well….”

I
could tell that unless I got off the phone, I could be talking to
them for hours since it was apparent that no one ever called them
for anything. I start trying to wrap up.

“Well,
thanks so much and you take care….”

“Why
should I beware?”

“I
said, take care..”

“Where’s
the bear?”

Time
to hang up and move on. Next week I think I’ll call the United
States Agency for Tea Tasters. They really do exist….My question
is just what do they do and why? Remember our folks at Memorial
Day….It’s because of their efforts that we can even write
about stuff like this…..have a good week…Comments go to
www.pearyperry.com

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Copyright 1998 – 2001 Peary Perry All Rights Reserved