3 31 01

Marriage
is a most sacred and honorable institution, I once heard someone
say. But who wants to be in an institution was the answer someone
else answered back. Nevertheless, for better or worse (depends on
who you ask and when you ask) my bride and I have been married for
29 years. We met over 30 years ago, so nearly half my life has
been with this woman. I don’t see how she puts up with me, since
I certainly wouldn’t live with me, but then I’m tickled she
doesn’t object. I’ve thought about having her sanity tested,
but the results may not come out the way I like so, I think I’ll
pass on that one for the time being. 

Anyway,
in some situations you are required to attend classes to learn how
to learn to live with each other. While I applaud the people who
have the foresight and determination to attend such events, I must
say I question the results in the long run. I just don’t think
you can hold a class that will answer all of the important
questions about your prospective mate in a few short hours. No, my
friend that only comes with years and years of practice and lots
and lots of patience. Now, I realize that I am far from perfect.
Those of you that know me may disagree and I thank you. I believe
I could offer a few questions that might help these marriage
councilors really get to the nitty gritty of who is suited for who
or whom? 

For
example, I’d find out if both parties were morning people or
not. You know what those folks are; they are the ones that wake up
happy the moment their eyes pop open. Others of us cannot begin to
get our brains in gear until we get at least one cup of coffee
down our throats. These are important differences that should be
discussed before the big walk down the aisle. Another equal, but
very telling compatibility point is how each of you view
photographs. Me, I’m the kind that takes an entire roll and can
be happy throwing out all but 5 of them. My wife? She’d keep
each and every one. Even those where the camera went off in
someone’s face when they were loading the film. I don’t keep
pictures of places I can’t recognize. You know like those you
take out of the window of the car while on a trip. 2 months later,
that tree filled canyon or bridge just doesn’t jog your memory
since you have 15 other ones just like it. 

“Where
was this, honey?” is a useless question, since the answer is
always going to be …”I don’t know, but it was somewhere on
our trip, let’s save it.” 

Consequently
after nearly 3 decades of marriage, you end up with boxes and
boxes of photos that you know you’ll never ever be able to
identify. The final test I would give to any prospective bride and
groom is the all-important….”where do you keep stuff?”
test. 

Now
this one is one of the toughest of all for women to pass. I do
believe men tend to want to keep things of one type together. Look
at Noah, I bet he kept the animals on one side of the Ark and the
insects and reptiles on the other. No mixing. This morning I went
down to make coffee. While I was looking for a can opener for the
coffee cream, I glanced in the knife drawer and what’s in there?
Why, the bits to my screwdriver. Now, I’ve only been looking for
these for about 2 months and finally ended up buying some more and
keep them, where? Why next to the electric screwdriver, which
makes sense to me. I asked my sweet bride why she had put the bits
in the knife drawer and she just shrugged and said,” I don’t
know.” Then she says,” If I knew you were looking for them I
could have told you where they were.” 

Consolidation
of similar items doesn’t seem to have been high on her agenda in
school. Her filing system seems perfectly logical to her, but
leaves me somewhat puzzled. She may have the adhesive tape in with
the phone books or the canned beans. Of course if I didn’t have
her, then how would I find anything? There may be a method in her
madness. Now that I think of it, my friend you’ll just have to
find out about these things on your own. Tests won’t help you.
Only time and experience will. Comments go to www.pearyperry.com.