Like
most Americans, in our household we usually reserve the after
dinner discussions on Thanksgiving day to items that are of
profound importance to the well being of the entire planet. This
past Thursday was no exception. Not having a prepared agenda, we
simply went with our gut feeling and launched into a spirited
discussion on one of the more important problems facing the nation
today. No, no it was not the discussion of who should have control
of the remote, we did that last year. No, this years topic was
much more serious and required the participation of all those
present to be sure that we obtained a careful analysis of the
problem from all perspectives. The discussion this year was over
the ever-present change jar that every red-blooded American male
has in his closet. Now, as you might guess the mere presence of a
change jar, it’s ownership and proper usage got everyone’s
attention. We took a survey of all persons present and found the
following: all males had a change bucket or jar somewhere. All
females knew where the change bucket or jar was located. This
scientifically conducted survey had an error factor of 0% since we
were looking at each and everyone one of those persons polled in
the collection of this data. How we came up with this subject is
fairly simple. The US Mint announced last week that it was being
forced to lay off some 200 or more of its workers due to an
unprecedented increase in the amount of loose change floating
around the country. In opening this topic up for discussion, we
found that the core issue of change jars is built deep into the
psyche of the male species and has a great deal of importance. To
women it has a value of zero. This subject generates the same type
of diverse responses as you may get concerning men’s underwear and
sheets for the bed. Men can go hunting or fishing for days and
wear the same socks and underwear without feeling the least bit
guilty. Women not only cannot envision such a barbaric practice,
but also would not think of allowing anyone to sleep on the guest
bed without having clean sheets. Men can sleep anywhere and upon
anything, including not so clean sheets, as is evidenced by
wearing the aforementioned underwear and socks. To men, the
existence of a coin jar is simply one thing…a quest. It is a
challenge to do one thing and one thing only. Fill it up to the
top. It exists for no other purpose but for the simple pleasure of
completing a fundamental need in all males. Power and finality. I
have trying to fill one up to the top for over 30 years without
succeeding. I have noticed that since my sons have left home, the
bucket is slowly inching its way to the top and may one day
actually require me to take it to the bank and turn it in. I can
remember over the years trying to devise various methods to keep
the invaders out. Once I filled the bottle with water, but that
only resulted in having the pennies get corroded. I have tried
tape, wire and even welding the tops of these things without
success. I’ve taped notes to the outside of the bottle asking the
culprits to please cease and desist, without any luck at all. It
makes me believe they have no souls or conscience. Finally I have
just given in and decided to just keep on throwing coins at the
problem with the hope that I may see some success at some point in
the future. Women have absolutely no compassion for this lifelong
quest that men have embarked upon. The best explanation that I
received during this often-heated discussion was that they
(females) thought of the change bucket as having a sort of Karma
like purpose. The thought was thrown out that somehow the volume
of the change bucket somehow was tied into the longevity of the
life of the male. If this were true, then once the bucket reached
the maximum capacity then the male would die. The females agreed
that by their removing the change as they saw fit, then they were
doing their part to keep us males alive for a longer period of
time. Well, once that theory was discussed and explained it became
obvious that the taking of change was meant to be a good thing,
not an evil deed. Having had this explained from this point of
view, I had to agree and decided to abandon my frantic attempts to
complete this task. Perhaps moving at a more cautious rate will
indeed prolong my years, we’ll see. Comments go to
www.pearyperry.com
