Resolution—- (Webster’s)- “The act of resolving or determining, as upon a course of action, method or procedure.” As always this word comes into great use at this time of the year. It’s that time where all of us stand tall in our own houses and grandly proclaim to the world at large something like…”One of my New Year’s resolutions is to stop eating frozen squirrels…” or other such nonsense.
As we all know, these great proclamations have a life span of about 2 1/2 minutes. You can bet that the person that pronounces that he or she will not eat Mexican food until they have lost 25 pounds will be unable to pass up the Taco
Buenos, "Eat till you pop” sale that starts about this time each year. Look around and smell the frijoles…you think it’s a coincidence that the health clubs and the restaurants all have big sales in January? No way, Jose. The major food
chains all know that as Americans, we have the iron will determination to stop eating junk food any time we wish. Right. Therefore I believe that it’s high time we stop fooling ourselves and quit trying to resolve to do things that are just plain wrong and against our human nature.
To support this claim, in the interest of true journalism, I went back and traced the history of the origins of New Years resolutions. After exhaustive study, I found that this arcane practice started with a Goth Warlord named Harold the Stupid in about 234 AD. It seems that Harold had just gotten his kingdom secure against foreign invaders and was feeling very smug after a long celebration on New Years Eve. According to his biographer, Lawrence (Larry) the scribe of Upper Smovillivalle (a country no longer in existence) Harold had consumed a large quantity of mead and other alcoholic adult beverages. Thinking that no one would ever dare to try and conquer him again, he shouted to his dinner guests …”From this day forward, I resolve to never allow any weapons of any kind to be used by any members of my countries armed forces….” Or something to this effect. Larry, (the biographer) admits that his written version of the event was hard to read the next day; he claims he had a headache.
Anyway, the commanders of the military in attendance took this as a sign that Harold might really live up to his name and seized control of the county in short order. Harold was locked up for the remainder of his life and personally resolved to never make any resolutions again, but no one believed him and he died in relative obscurity. This should certainly be a lesson to all of us and a reminder to be very careful of what we resolve to do. I once knew a woman that resolved to lose 50 pounds in 30 days. Since she only weighed 100 pounds at the time, rumor has it that she dried up and blew away or something like that. No one can recall ever seeing her again. I tend to keep my resolutions limited to things that I know I can achieve without much effort. For example, a resolution that I have managed to keep the longest is one I made several years ago. I resolved to never sleep under my car while it is jacked up on a hill paved with gravel.
Thus far, this has been easy to keep, but then again temptation is always around the corner, isn’t it. Thus I must always be on guard. Another resolution success has been my 15-year pledge to never overeat watermelon during the holiday season. I urge you to carefully consider what you obligate yourselves to do. It is important that we all consider ourselves role models for others. Do not, I say again, do not casually issue a resolution unless you have the best of intentions of keeping it. Others will be watching you to see if you can truly maintain your hard line and will follow your example. Consider making this years resolutions something memorable and possible. Something like …”I do resolve to never again carry small pebbles in my mouth at church.”. You can do this, I know you can. As always, reach me at
www.pearyperry.com.
