About
this time of the year every four years or so, there appears upon our national
scene an odd phenomena currently known as the political process. This so-called
process starts with the section of delegates for the various political parties
that results in an national political convention for each of the parties, who
then select their candidates for the upcoming presidential election. Now, being
the scholar that I am, for your benefit I have investigated the origins of this
confusing and bewildering method by which we select our countries highest
leaders.
I found that the practice of having a national convention
started in the year 1779, in upstate New York. It appears that several men were
involved in deep discussion at a local tavern called the "Pig and
Bucket". Legend has it that the place was originally known as "Nat’s
Bar" but it seems the locals felt it would be more authentic if the name
was changed. Anyway, this group of patriotic Americans were sitting around one
evening discussing what should be done now that the revolution was over and
American was no longer a part of England. One enterprising young fellow by the
name of Handly Snoopes suggested that…(and these are his exact words to be
remembered for all time) …"Let’s have a party!!!" Now everyone
cheered and thought this was a grand idea, no one even bothered to think that
Mr. Snoopes was being somewhat self-serving since he owned the "Pig and
Bucket", which was the only tavern within 20 miles.
The idea began to take on a life of it’s own and soon
everyone was getting into the spirit. Since there had to be a theme for this
giant event, it was suggested by Ms. Prudence Clearwater that everyone dress up
as political candidates and a vote would be taken to determine the first
president of the United States. Of course, Ms. Clearwater was the only
seamstress for 20 miles, so costumes and new clothes were music to her ears. Now
the idea was really rolling and people from all over the state were arriving in
great numbers just to get in on the fun.
Things looked really good for awhile until a mysterious
stranger rode into town and announced that the selection of the president was
already being handled over in Philadelphia. Not to be outdone, most of the
town’s folks jumped in their buggies and onto their horses and rode like the
wind or breeze or whatever to arrive in Philadelphia before the first vote was
taken. Since no one had ever elected a president in this country before, the
scene was one of utter mayhem. Here we had duly elected officials in
Philadelphia trying to select a leader for the country and the not so duly
citizens from the "Pig and Bucket" calling for a party. After a few
days, cooler heads prevailed and a method of settling the confusion was
considered…. the invention of the caucus. This method of the meeting of two
opposing parties set the stage for the settlement of differences for hundreds of
years to come.
After several more days, a compromise was reached and it
was decided to make the selection of the president of the United States a
dignified, organized and drawn out social event …otherwise known as a party.
To eliminate the negative connotation that everyone was having a wonderful time
and not actually working as well as keeping their wives back home from being
mad, they changed the name of the event to …"political convention."
Naturally this evolved into the 2 or 3 party (convention) system, which gave
everyone an opportunity to have a good time, even if you arrived late or
something. Maybe your horse threw a shoe or one of the wheels came off your
buggy or you couldn’t see to ride at night…something like that. Anyway, by
the time the convention started, each of the political parties already knew who
they were going to nominate, so the convention seemed to be an excuse for most
of the persons in attendance to just dress funny, wear strange hats and carry
signs saying something like "Washington again in 04" or "My
moneys on Hamilton".
Whole industries sprang up around this political process.
Paul Revere made his fortune making commemorative cups and plates (limited
editions, not sold in stores) as souvenirs for the convention attendants. It’s
thought that Betsy Ross made enough from the hall decorations in these early
events that she retired to Jamaica and lived out her life on a sugar plantation.
Towns and villages could be put on the map if they were to hold one of these
events. The events followed an itinerary that is adhered to even to this day.
8am until noon—-sleep and eat breakfast, noon until 4pm…lunch with various
delegations…4pm until 8pm shop…8pm go to convention hall and listen to
speaker…10pm …attend cocktail parties …midnight go back to hotel, sleep
…tomorrow.. repeat. The speaker for the final night is the pre-selected
candidate, who generally reads a prepared speech given to him by some of his
handlers.
Everyone knows the promises made all sound good, but are
virtually impossible to accomplish since the President can only do what the
elected congress allows him to do. This cleverly designed feature allows at
least ½ of the voting population to be unhappy about what’s going on at any
time. Thus setting the stage for bigger and better parties or conventions 4
years hence. Oh, yes I forgot to tell you that the candidate submitted by the
"Pig and Bucket" was named Wilbur Throckcuspid. As you know he was
defeated by George Washington and was never heard from again. Some think he
married Betsy Ross. I’ll look into that a little more in the weeks to come.
Remember….."The people deserve whom they elect…" As always, you
can find me at
